1 00:00:50,309 --> 00:00:52,682 This is nothing less than "Zeno's paradox." 2 00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:58,766 You are Achilles and the tortoise is the orgasm. 3 00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:01,766 - Oh, come on. - No, no, no. Listen. 4 00:01:01,933 --> 00:01:03,766 Achilles and the tortoise are going to race, 5 00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:06,016 and Achilles is confident, 6 00:01:06,184 --> 00:01:10,099 so he gives the tortoise a hundred meters head start. 7 00:01:10,267 --> 00:01:13,224 Now the mathematical problem is that 8 00:01:13,392 --> 00:01:15,849 before Achilles can pass the tortoise, 9 00:01:16,017 --> 00:01:17,224 he has to reach the point 10 00:01:17,392 --> 00:01:20,974 where the tortoise started after a hundred meters. 11 00:01:21,142 --> 00:01:24,391 But when Achilles gets there, the tortoise has already moved on, 12 00:01:24,558 --> 00:01:26,557 and then he has to reach the next point, 13 00:01:26,725 --> 00:01:28,183 and the tortoise has moved on again 14 00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:31,099 and so on and so on and so on. 15 00:01:31,267 --> 00:01:34,515 So Achilles can never reach the tortoise and never pass him. 16 00:01:34,683 --> 00:01:38,849 And in the same way, because you were giving chase, 17 00:01:39,017 --> 00:01:41,891 you couldn't reach satisfaction. That's the paradox. 18 00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:45,433 I'm sorry, but it seems as if you're not taking this very seriously. 19 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,515 I'm telling you about the worst thing that's happened to me, 20 00:01:48,683 --> 00:01:53,849 that I at that point, within seconds, lost all sexual sensation. 21 00:01:54,017 --> 00:01:56,266 My cunt simply went numb. 22 00:01:56,434 --> 00:01:58,515 And immediately we have to hear about 23 00:01:58,683 --> 00:02:01,141 this ridiculous mathematical problem. 24 00:02:01,309 --> 00:02:05,807 In fact, I'm in doubt whether you're even listening. 25 00:02:05,975 --> 00:02:08,349 Why do you doubt that? 26 00:02:11,516 --> 00:02:14,766 This is not a story I've told in its entirety before, 27 00:02:14,933 --> 00:02:19,391 but whenever I've told other men about experiences, 28 00:02:19,558 --> 00:02:22,599 episodes in my sex life, 29 00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:25,932 it was easy to see that they became quite excited. 30 00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:28,640 I got excited. 31 00:02:28,808 --> 00:02:32,057 Yes, about the mathematical crap, not about the story. 32 00:02:39,933 --> 00:02:43,766 What kind of a person are you, actually? 33 00:02:48,975 --> 00:02:50,974 I... 34 00:02:52,184 --> 00:02:54,266 You wouldn't know. 35 00:03:00,392 --> 00:03:01,974 No, but I can guess. 36 00:03:05,641 --> 00:03:08,515 Why didn't I get that earlier? 37 00:03:08,683 --> 00:03:13,682 The fact you don't get excited over my dirty stories 38 00:03:13,850 --> 00:03:15,891 is because you can't relate to them. 39 00:03:18,309 --> 00:03:20,849 You've never been with a woman. 40 00:03:32,475 --> 00:03:36,099 That's quite accurate. 41 00:03:36,267 --> 00:03:38,599 Not with a man, either. 42 00:03:47,058 --> 00:03:49,432 Are you sorry about that? 43 00:03:54,058 --> 00:03:59,515 Well, yeah, out of curiosity... 44 00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:04,141 not out of lust, as you would think. 45 00:04:09,892 --> 00:04:14,849 I consider myself asexual. 46 00:04:15,017 --> 00:04:19,766 Of course, I experimented with masturbation when I was a teenager, 47 00:04:19,933 --> 00:04:24,183 but it didn't do much for me. 48 00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:30,348 So, there's nothing sexual about me. 49 00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:38,766 It's not as uncommon as you would think. 50 00:04:38,933 --> 00:04:43,640 And of course, I've read a lot about sexual subjects... 51 00:04:43,808 --> 00:04:48,974 "Canterbury Tales"," Decameron", "Thousand and One Nights". 52 00:04:49,142 --> 00:04:52,974 You name it and I've read it with great interest 53 00:04:53,142 --> 00:04:55,515 and enjoyment, 54 00:04:55,683 --> 00:04:58,390 but only literary enjoyment. 55 00:05:00,349 --> 00:05:02,807 But... but I think maybe it makes me 56 00:05:02,975 --> 00:05:05,640 a better listener to your story, and... 57 00:05:05,808 --> 00:05:12,557 I have no preconceived notions or preferences. 58 00:05:12,725 --> 00:05:16,307 I'm actually the best judge you could give your story to. 59 00:05:16,475 --> 00:05:19,474 And when it comes to deciding whether you're a bad human being or not, 60 00:05:19,641 --> 00:05:22,849 I'm... I've no problems with that. 61 00:05:23,017 --> 00:05:26,016 Because I don't look at you through the glasses 62 00:05:26,184 --> 00:05:30,348 colored by sexuality or sexual experience. 63 00:05:32,475 --> 00:05:34,599 I'm a virgin. 64 00:05:36,267 --> 00:05:38,390 I'm innocent. 65 00:05:58,933 --> 00:06:01,224 She's looking at me. 66 00:06:01,391 --> 00:06:04,265 Yes. 67 00:06:04,433 --> 00:06:08,224 It's an icon. Is it Russian? 68 00:06:08,391 --> 00:06:09,724 Yes, it's, uh... 69 00:06:09,892 --> 00:06:14,932 It's a skilled copy, maybe in the manner of Rublev. 70 00:06:20,266 --> 00:06:23,724 Icons are usually connected to the Eastern Church. 71 00:06:23,892 --> 00:06:25,099 The Eastern Church? 72 00:06:26,308 --> 00:06:28,849 I might become a bit theoretical. 73 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:35,099 You may. I'd like you to tell me about your picture. 74 00:06:35,266 --> 00:06:40,223 Although the Christian church was split up in 1054 75 00:06:40,391 --> 00:06:41,724 because of differences in opinion 76 00:06:41,892 --> 00:06:44,640 between the Eastern Church and the Western Church, 77 00:06:44,808 --> 00:06:51,016 what we today call the Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church, 78 00:06:51,184 --> 00:06:54,807 this is a typical Eastern Church icon. 79 00:06:54,975 --> 00:06:57,974 It usually depicts the Virgin Mary 80 00:06:58,142 --> 00:07:00,141 and the infant Jesus and more rarely, 81 00:07:00,308 --> 00:07:02,099 for instance, the crucifixion, 82 00:07:02,266 --> 00:07:05,390 which in the Western Church was much more prevalent. 83 00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:09,016 If you generalize, you could say that the Western Church 84 00:07:09,183 --> 00:07:10,766 is the church of suffering, 85 00:07:10,933 --> 00:07:14,599 and the Eastern Church is the church of happiness. 86 00:07:17,308 --> 00:07:20,057 Why is she looking right at me? 87 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,265 Well, she's telling a story. 88 00:07:23,433 --> 00:07:25,057 Icons were originally a kind of 89 00:07:25,224 --> 00:07:28,182 pictorial Bibles for the illiterate. 90 00:07:28,349 --> 00:07:30,390 There are some who say you... 91 00:07:30,558 --> 00:07:34,099 you read an icon, even write it. 92 00:07:36,142 --> 00:07:40,849 There are different types of icons. This is a Hodegetria. 93 00:07:41,017 --> 00:07:43,348 The directions are very important. 94 00:07:43,516 --> 00:07:47,766 She's looking at you, but she's pointing at the baby Jesus. 95 00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:50,932 And he's looking at you and pointing at her. 96 00:07:52,141 --> 00:07:57,265 Do you see how flat it is? There's no... no perspective. 97 00:07:59,224 --> 00:08:02,390 It's because it's an image of eternity. 98 00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:06,182 And eternity isn't in 3-D. 99 00:08:07,224 --> 00:08:11,265 But you said the Eastern Church was the church of joy? 100 00:08:12,308 --> 00:08:14,891 Yeah, the sanctities of the Eastern Church 101 00:08:15,058 --> 00:08:17,515 were all about the joy of faith 102 00:08:17,683 --> 00:08:21,557 while the Western Church wallowed in... in suffering and death. 103 00:08:21,725 --> 00:08:26,099 If you imagine a... a mental journey from Rome eastward, 104 00:08:26,266 --> 00:08:29,891 you feel how you move away from guilt and pain 105 00:08:30,058 --> 00:08:31,557 towards joy and light. 106 00:08:31,725 --> 00:08:34,390 But you say you didn't believe in God. 107 00:08:34,558 --> 00:08:39,807 No, but the concept of religion is interesting. 108 00:08:39,975 --> 00:08:43,182 Like the concept of sex. 109 00:08:43,349 --> 00:08:45,182 But you won't find me on my knees 110 00:08:45,349 --> 00:08:47,724 with regards to either. 111 00:08:47,892 --> 00:08:51,932 Let's call this chapter, 112 00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,974 "The Eastern Church and the Western Church." 113 00:08:55,141 --> 00:08:56,766 But it won't be... 114 00:08:56,933 --> 00:09:00,182 it won't be a story about traveling east from Rome 115 00:09:00,349 --> 00:09:03,599 towards the light, but rather the opposite. 116 00:09:03,767 --> 00:09:07,182 So, in order not to make it too sad, 117 00:09:07,349 --> 00:09:10,682 I've pepped up the name of the chapter with an extra title. 118 00:09:17,017 --> 00:09:18,974 I have to go back a bit. 119 00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:23,766 I was 12 years old and on a school trip in the hills. 120 00:12:02,808 --> 00:12:05,766 - Are you making fun of me? - What do you mean? 121 00:12:05,932 --> 00:12:07,766 You have this orgasm, not only an orgasm 122 00:12:07,932 --> 00:12:11,265 - but a spontaneous orgasm. - Yes, it was an orgasm, 123 00:12:11,433 --> 00:12:15,432 though the doctor described it as an epileptic seizure. 124 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,890 And during that orgasm, you had this vision? 125 00:12:19,057 --> 00:12:22,849 Of these two women on each side of you. 126 00:12:23,016 --> 00:12:26,432 The woman on my right side seemed to be dressed 127 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,766 in purple and scarlet 128 00:12:28,932 --> 00:12:31,931 with a lot of gold and pearls. 129 00:12:32,974 --> 00:12:36,098 She was carrying a golden goblet in her hand. 130 00:12:36,266 --> 00:12:41,515 She was sitting on some strange animal. 131 00:12:41,683 --> 00:12:46,390 And then the other woman was dressed in Roman clothes, 132 00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:48,348 a baby on her arm 133 00:12:48,516 --> 00:12:53,432 and her hair lay in tight waves beneath a veil. 134 00:12:56,974 --> 00:13:00,348 Was she holding the veil with two fingers like this? 135 00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:02,682 And the other woman, 136 00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:07,474 was she sitting on an animal with seven heads and ten horns? 137 00:13:07,641 --> 00:13:12,140 The animal only had one head. It was kind of a bull. 138 00:13:16,558 --> 00:13:19,056 What's the matter? 139 00:13:20,683 --> 00:13:22,182 You're making this up. 140 00:13:22,349 --> 00:13:25,766 No, I'm not. I'm telling you about my first orgasm, 141 00:13:25,932 --> 00:13:28,390 which came upon me without the slightest touch 142 00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:32,182 in some strange ways up in the mountains. 143 00:13:32,349 --> 00:13:34,973 I never had achieved an orgasm before, 144 00:13:35,141 --> 00:13:36,223 even though I masturbated 145 00:13:36,391 --> 00:13:39,307 as if my life depended on it during that time. 146 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:48,724 Your story is like a... blasphemous retelling 147 00:13:48,891 --> 00:13:52,890 of the Transfiguration of Jesus on the Mount, 148 00:13:53,057 --> 00:13:58,015 which is one of the Eastern Church's holiest passages. 149 00:13:58,183 --> 00:14:01,640 It's when the humanity of Christ is illuminated 150 00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:04,182 by the divine light of eternity. 151 00:14:04,349 --> 00:14:08,182 Jesus, Peter and two disciples had climbed a mountain. 152 00:14:08,349 --> 00:14:10,640 And suddenly, the disciples see this light 153 00:14:10,807 --> 00:14:13,182 emanating from Jesus' head. 154 00:14:13,349 --> 00:14:16,098 And Moses and Elijah appear by his side. 155 00:14:16,266 --> 00:14:20,765 And they hear the voice of God, calling him his son. 156 00:14:20,932 --> 00:14:26,098 The relationship between... between the two women and you 157 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,640 would be the same as the relation 158 00:14:28,807 --> 00:14:33,307 between Moses and Elijah and Jesus. 159 00:14:33,475 --> 00:14:36,098 And that's where it becomes blasphemous. 160 00:14:37,725 --> 00:14:39,098 I see. 161 00:14:39,266 --> 00:14:40,682 You don't even... 162 00:14:40,849 --> 00:14:43,723 you don't even know who these women were, do you? 163 00:14:46,724 --> 00:14:50,432 No, but one of them did look like the Virgin Mary, 164 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:51,890 now that you mention it. 165 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,973 Well, it wasn't the Virgin Mary, I can tell you that. 166 00:14:55,391 --> 00:14:56,640 From your description, 167 00:14:56,807 --> 00:14:59,182 it must've been Valeria Messalina, 168 00:14:59,349 --> 00:15:01,723 the wife of Emperor Claudius, 169 00:15:01,891 --> 00:15:05,515 the most notorious nymphomaniac in history. 170 00:15:08,183 --> 00:15:10,640 I thought she looked like your icon. 171 00:15:10,807 --> 00:15:13,931 We have that image from a statue in the Louvre. 172 00:15:14,099 --> 00:15:19,348 It's made like a Hodegetria, but it's not a religious person, far from it. 173 00:15:20,558 --> 00:15:24,265 And the other woman, the one astride the creature, 174 00:15:24,433 --> 00:15:27,348 that was no one else but the great Whore of Babylon, 175 00:15:27,516 --> 00:15:31,432 riding on Nimrod in the form of a bull. 176 00:15:35,516 --> 00:15:38,140 If anyone else would've told me that story, 177 00:15:38,308 --> 00:15:41,265 I would've seen it as a blasphemous joke, 178 00:15:41,433 --> 00:15:43,098 spiced up with a Biblical light 179 00:15:43,266 --> 00:15:47,723 emanating from nothing less than a spontaneous orgasm. 180 00:15:49,891 --> 00:15:51,806 Goodness gracious. 181 00:15:51,974 --> 00:15:54,681 You demand a lot of your listener. 182 00:15:55,891 --> 00:15:59,348 I promise you I'm as innocent in regards to the religious 183 00:15:59,516 --> 00:16:02,474 as you are when it comes to sex. 184 00:16:04,349 --> 00:16:07,098 The Transfiguration on the Venus Mount. 185 00:16:09,849 --> 00:16:13,890 And then later, you lost your orgasm altogether. 186 00:16:19,308 --> 00:16:21,599 Wagner. "Das Rheingold". 187 00:16:21,766 --> 00:16:26,223 The descent into Nibelheim. Was it that bad? 188 00:16:26,391 --> 00:16:29,557 Try to imagine that in one fell swoop, 189 00:16:29,724 --> 00:16:31,931 you lost all desire to read 190 00:16:32,099 --> 00:16:35,432 and all your love and passion for books and letters. 191 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,474 I don't even know if I can imagine that. 192 00:17:00,807 --> 00:17:02,348 Can I help you? 193 00:18:04,266 --> 00:18:06,474 But as so often before in my life, 194 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:11,098 a bit of hope sprang from a mystical event. 195 00:18:11,266 --> 00:18:12,432 Which was? 196 00:18:12,599 --> 00:18:17,182 Three dead leaves performing a strange ballet. 197 00:18:17,349 --> 00:18:21,432 That gave you hope? For what? 198 00:18:21,599 --> 00:18:26,015 - For regaining my sexuality. - How? 199 00:18:28,433 --> 00:18:30,931 To claim it by force. 200 00:18:58,807 --> 00:19:01,432 In spite of my tireless efforts, 201 00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:04,848 my cunt totally failed to respond. 202 00:19:06,183 --> 00:19:08,598 But the fact that the initiative had shifted 203 00:19:08,766 --> 00:19:11,639 seemed to encourage Jerome greatly. 204 00:19:11,807 --> 00:19:13,681 And I have to admit there came a time 205 00:19:13,849 --> 00:19:16,639 when we had fun together. 206 00:19:20,557 --> 00:19:22,765 I'll give you a fiver. 207 00:19:23,057 --> 00:19:24,931 Uh-huh. 208 00:19:25,433 --> 00:19:28,056 If you can put this... 209 00:19:28,224 --> 00:19:30,556 up inside your cunt. 210 00:19:30,724 --> 00:19:34,223 - A fiver? - Right. 211 00:19:47,932 --> 00:19:49,848 Shit. 212 00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:35,431 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 213 00:20:38,807 --> 00:20:42,473 - Didn't you get any spoons? - No, we didn't. 214 00:21:39,224 --> 00:21:41,723 So what does this tell us? 215 00:21:41,891 --> 00:21:44,973 That love and sex have nothing to do with each other, or... 216 00:21:45,141 --> 00:21:48,056 or that they decidedly work against one another? 217 00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:51,473 The most grotesque thing was that it was during that period, 218 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:55,848 where every sexual sensation was denied me, a period, 219 00:21:56,016 --> 00:21:59,806 I must admit, of secure and restful domestic comfort. 220 00:21:59,974 --> 00:22:02,806 We had moved in together and so on, 221 00:22:02,974 --> 00:22:04,389 that I became pregnant, 222 00:22:04,557 --> 00:22:07,514 because I was careless about my birth control pills. 223 00:22:07,682 --> 00:22:10,681 Consciously or unconsciously, 224 00:22:10,849 --> 00:22:13,848 it was important for me to have a Caesarean. 225 00:22:14,016 --> 00:22:16,973 I mean, I was hoping that my cunt was going to fucking work again, 226 00:22:18,057 --> 00:22:20,848 and I had a feeling that a haphazard birth 227 00:22:21,016 --> 00:22:23,848 wouldn't make things better. 228 00:22:24,016 --> 00:22:26,223 I may have been imagining things, 229 00:22:26,390 --> 00:22:29,431 but as I lay there, the noise from the instruments 230 00:22:29,599 --> 00:22:32,973 rang out in a chord like the one from the Little Flock. 231 00:22:34,932 --> 00:22:38,056 Yes. And it wasn't fear. 232 00:22:38,224 --> 00:22:41,765 More like a kind of disgust. 233 00:22:55,891 --> 00:22:59,182 I could've sworn I saw him laughing. 234 00:22:59,348 --> 00:23:01,389 A laughing son. 235 00:23:01,557 --> 00:23:03,140 In "Doctor Faustus", Thomas Mann describes 236 00:23:03,307 --> 00:23:05,806 the birth of Noah's son Ham, 237 00:23:05,974 --> 00:23:07,765 who was laughing when he was born. 238 00:23:09,849 --> 00:23:11,431 Another satanic omen. 239 00:23:15,348 --> 00:23:20,182 Incidentally, the innocent child was named Marcel after Mars, 240 00:23:20,348 --> 00:23:21,723 the Roman God of War. 241 00:23:21,891 --> 00:23:23,973 And motherhood? 242 00:23:24,141 --> 00:23:28,347 I assume maternal love didn't quite live up to its expectations. 243 00:23:28,515 --> 00:23:31,222 No, I didn't have any expectations. 244 00:23:31,390 --> 00:23:34,015 And maternal love wasn't a problem. 245 00:23:35,099 --> 00:23:38,598 It was just that each time I looked into the child's eyes, 246 00:23:39,348 --> 00:23:43,848 I had this unsettling feeling of having been found out. 247 00:23:47,223 --> 00:23:50,514 It's probably a strange thing to say about a child... 248 00:23:50,682 --> 00:23:53,931 that my love wasn't being returned. 249 00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:57,056 But it was my perception. 250 00:23:59,265 --> 00:24:02,306 If Jerome had hoped for a break from what was for him 251 00:24:02,474 --> 00:24:06,264 now mostly strenuous work, he could forget about it. 252 00:24:06,432 --> 00:24:10,140 Achilles was again chasing the tortoise. 253 00:24:13,515 --> 00:24:16,681 - Fill all my holes. - I can't, Joe. 254 00:24:21,390 --> 00:24:23,140 I'm sorry. 255 00:24:25,807 --> 00:24:27,681 I'm trying. 256 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,639 - Can we talk a bit? - Of course. 257 00:24:41,849 --> 00:24:46,639 I love you. I love your wildness and your desire. I love you, Joe. 258 00:24:48,974 --> 00:24:50,681 At the moment, I don't seem to satisfy you 259 00:24:50,849 --> 00:24:52,931 in the way that I'd like to. 260 00:24:54,223 --> 00:24:55,098 Don't get upset, Joe. 261 00:24:55,265 --> 00:24:56,765 It doesn't mean we won't continue with our sex life, 262 00:24:56,932 --> 00:24:59,264 which is very important to me. 263 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:02,765 Very important to me. 264 00:25:04,557 --> 00:25:07,765 When you buy a tiger, right, 265 00:25:07,932 --> 00:25:09,890 you also have to feed it. 266 00:25:10,057 --> 00:25:14,723 Um, satisfy it, right? 267 00:25:21,515 --> 00:25:23,723 Long story short. 268 00:25:24,348 --> 00:25:25,848 I have a tiger on my hands. 269 00:25:26,016 --> 00:25:28,556 - You mean I'm too much for you. - No. 270 00:25:28,724 --> 00:25:31,181 You're just the way you should be. 271 00:25:31,348 --> 00:25:33,015 I was just thinking if you would consider 272 00:25:33,182 --> 00:25:36,222 that I get a little help with the feeding, that's all. 273 00:25:39,599 --> 00:25:43,222 You're saying I should have sex with others as well. 274 00:25:49,390 --> 00:25:53,723 That's a rather cruel way of putting it, Joe, but... 275 00:25:53,891 --> 00:25:56,264 - But exact. - Exact. 276 00:26:08,265 --> 00:26:10,723 For a long time I'd been playing around with the idea 277 00:26:10,891 --> 00:26:13,222 that the concept of the fuck-me-now clothes 278 00:26:13,390 --> 00:26:14,514 could be improved. 279 00:26:15,849 --> 00:26:17,306 You look nice. 280 00:26:17,474 --> 00:26:20,598 And became the piano teacher. 281 00:26:43,348 --> 00:26:46,389 - You okay? - No. 282 00:26:46,557 --> 00:26:49,389 - What's the matter? - Well, I'm such an idiot with cars. 283 00:26:49,557 --> 00:26:51,639 I don't really know what to do. Do you mind helping me? 284 00:26:53,682 --> 00:26:57,347 Of course it won't work. The spark plug caps have been removed. 285 00:26:57,515 --> 00:27:01,473 Yes, I did that. Was that wrong? 286 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,681 For the first time I had the pleasure 287 00:27:03,849 --> 00:27:05,723 of having an eight-cylinder car. 288 00:27:05,891 --> 00:27:07,639 The possible combinations 289 00:27:07,807 --> 00:27:10,681 of eight spark plug caps on eight spark plugs 290 00:27:10,849 --> 00:27:13,598 are 40,320, 291 00:27:13,766 --> 00:27:16,473 if I remember my math correctly. 292 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:20,139 And only one of these will make the car run, 293 00:27:20,307 --> 00:27:22,514 which gave me all the time I needed. 294 00:27:22,682 --> 00:27:25,598 Beethoven, huh? He was certainly very good, 295 00:27:25,766 --> 00:27:27,473 but, you know, he couldn't write a fugue. 296 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:32,389 - You think so? - Well, yeah, I think so. 297 00:27:47,390 --> 00:27:50,848 It would be more precise to say that Beethoven 298 00:27:51,015 --> 00:27:53,598 renewed the fugue. 299 00:27:54,931 --> 00:27:58,306 That he was such a visionary that the old Bach purists, 300 00:27:58,474 --> 00:28:01,639 they accused him of not mastering it. 301 00:28:23,849 --> 00:28:25,848 Good day? 302 00:28:33,807 --> 00:28:36,473 Not one word was ever spoken 303 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,930 between me and Jerome about my piano lessons. 304 00:28:54,140 --> 00:28:56,055 The first time the mysterious letters 305 00:28:56,223 --> 00:28:57,264 addressed to me arrived, 306 00:28:57,432 --> 00:29:00,055 I, of course, feared that they were love letters 307 00:29:00,223 --> 00:29:03,431 from someone I'd completely forgotten about and hid them, 308 00:29:03,599 --> 00:29:07,431 so as not to hurt Jerome if he should see them. 309 00:29:14,265 --> 00:29:17,639 But as Jerome was always somehow present when I would get the mail, 310 00:29:17,807 --> 00:29:20,972 and as the envelopes were always empty, 311 00:29:21,140 --> 00:29:23,181 I understood that the letters, in fact, 312 00:29:23,348 --> 00:29:27,347 were sent by Jerome himself as a way of testing me. 313 00:29:29,390 --> 00:29:31,264 My decision not to show them to him 314 00:29:31,432 --> 00:29:34,014 was exactly the reaction he had feared, 315 00:29:34,182 --> 00:29:37,014 and it reaffirmed his insane jealousy 316 00:29:37,182 --> 00:29:40,639 and his fantasies of the countless times 317 00:29:40,807 --> 00:29:44,347 I would fall in love for real while being the piano teacher. 318 00:30:13,140 --> 00:30:14,723 And now to reach the heart 319 00:30:14,890 --> 00:30:16,805 of your suffering Western Church, 320 00:30:16,973 --> 00:30:20,181 I have to jump ahead three years in the story 321 00:30:20,348 --> 00:30:23,473 and talk about my meeting with what I would call 322 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:24,889 "The Dangerous Men." 323 00:30:31,265 --> 00:30:34,347 I was alone with Marcel a lot during this period, 324 00:30:34,515 --> 00:30:37,389 as Jerome was traveling most of the time, 325 00:30:37,557 --> 00:30:40,306 and when he was finally home, he spent most of the time 326 00:30:40,474 --> 00:30:42,972 accusing me of neglecting Marcel, 327 00:30:43,140 --> 00:30:44,473 which, in my opinion, 328 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,889 was just a cover for his anger over my lovers. 329 00:30:48,056 --> 00:30:52,514 Despite my, to put it mildly, promiscuous initiatives, 330 00:30:52,682 --> 00:30:56,139 any sexual satisfaction, let alone orgasm, 331 00:30:56,307 --> 00:30:59,598 was further away than ever before. 332 00:31:17,890 --> 00:31:20,473 I had to make a change. 333 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,514 And somehow, the inspiration had been 334 00:31:22,682 --> 00:31:26,306 right there beneath my window the whole time. 335 00:31:26,474 --> 00:31:29,805 I'd planned to go where I would never before 336 00:31:29,973 --> 00:31:31,889 had dreamt of going. 337 00:31:32,056 --> 00:31:37,347 For instance, to be with a man with whom I shared no spoken language. 338 00:31:37,515 --> 00:31:40,306 I could feel that it turned me on enormously 339 00:31:40,474 --> 00:31:43,347 to imagine a sexual situation 340 00:31:43,515 --> 00:31:48,055 in which verbal communication was impossible. 341 00:31:51,307 --> 00:31:52,389 - Hello. - Hello. 342 00:31:52,557 --> 00:31:54,473 I'm Tobias, the interpreter. 343 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,097 Hello, I'm Joe. Come in. 344 00:31:57,265 --> 00:31:59,930 I understand that you mastered the African languages. 345 00:32:00,098 --> 00:32:02,889 I do have a basis. 346 00:32:03,056 --> 00:32:05,014 Who and what needs interpretation? 347 00:32:05,182 --> 00:32:10,389 Um, that man. The one with the green jacket. 348 00:32:10,557 --> 00:32:13,055 What language is being spoken? 349 00:32:13,223 --> 00:32:14,889 Well, God knows. I... 350 00:32:15,056 --> 00:32:18,097 All I know is that he doesn't speak English. 351 00:32:36,348 --> 00:32:39,097 It's quite difficult. 352 00:32:39,265 --> 00:32:43,347 But, uh, we did manage to find a dialect, 353 00:32:43,515 --> 00:32:44,972 of which we both had some knowledge. 354 00:32:45,140 --> 00:32:46,055 Mm-hm. 355 00:32:48,348 --> 00:32:49,473 You coming? 356 00:32:49,639 --> 00:32:52,264 No, I'll stay here, and the two of you communicate. 357 00:32:54,348 --> 00:32:57,722 You are to ask him if he wants to have sex with me. 358 00:32:57,890 --> 00:33:00,347 - Sex? - Mm-hmm. 359 00:33:02,557 --> 00:33:04,764 Yeah, um... 360 00:33:28,723 --> 00:33:32,097 - Is it a go? - It's hard to say. 361 00:33:32,973 --> 00:33:38,055 I've written down the time and place, but, um... 362 00:33:38,973 --> 00:33:41,055 Honestly, I wouldn't like to take responsibility 363 00:33:41,223 --> 00:33:44,347 for the precise wording in this case, which I think, 364 00:33:44,515 --> 00:33:47,764 uh, accidentally may belong 365 00:33:47,931 --> 00:33:51,139 to a grey zone in my profession. 366 00:33:53,140 --> 00:33:55,556 It was the address of a cheap hotel. 367 00:34:04,140 --> 00:34:05,556 Why were there two? 368 00:34:05,723 --> 00:34:07,556 My words exactly. 369 00:34:07,723 --> 00:34:11,638 Apparently, N had brought his brother along. 370 00:36:48,056 --> 00:36:49,930 Why was he so angry? 371 00:36:50,098 --> 00:36:52,722 Clearly, it was something personal between them, 372 00:36:52,890 --> 00:36:55,597 but later I heard that performing a sandwich 373 00:36:55,765 --> 00:36:58,972 requires great sensitivity, since the men apparently 374 00:36:59,140 --> 00:37:01,638 can feel each other through the tissue. 375 00:37:01,806 --> 00:37:05,222 I imagine the quarrel had already started on the stairs 376 00:37:05,389 --> 00:37:08,472 and that one or the other party had laid claim 377 00:37:08,639 --> 00:37:10,597 to one or the other of my holes 378 00:37:10,765 --> 00:37:14,264 in conflict with his Negro brother's interests. 379 00:37:14,431 --> 00:37:17,097 You shouldn't use that word. 380 00:37:17,265 --> 00:37:20,097 It's not what you call politically correct. 381 00:37:20,265 --> 00:37:21,306 Negro. 382 00:37:21,473 --> 00:37:24,264 Well, excuse me, but in my circles, 383 00:37:24,431 --> 00:37:27,139 it's always been a mark of honor to call a spade a spade. 384 00:37:28,389 --> 00:37:31,264 Each time a word becomes prohibited, 385 00:37:31,431 --> 00:37:33,972 you remove a stone from the democratic foundation. 386 00:37:34,140 --> 00:37:38,847 Society demonstrates its impotence in the face of a concrete problem 387 00:37:39,015 --> 00:37:40,930 by removing words from the language. 388 00:37:41,098 --> 00:37:44,680 The book burners have nothing on modern society. 389 00:37:44,848 --> 00:37:45,930 I think society would claim 390 00:37:46,098 --> 00:37:49,805 that politically correctness is a very precise expression 391 00:37:49,973 --> 00:37:52,722 of democratic concern for minorities. 392 00:37:52,890 --> 00:37:57,889 And I say that society is as cowardly as the people in it 393 00:37:58,056 --> 00:38:01,930 who, in my opinion, are also too stupid for democracy. 394 00:38:03,973 --> 00:38:07,638 I understand your point, but I totally disagree. 395 00:38:07,806 --> 00:38:09,264 I have no doubt in the human qualities. 396 00:38:10,681 --> 00:38:14,264 The human qualities can be expressed in one word: 397 00:38:14,431 --> 00:38:15,513 hypocrisy. 398 00:38:16,473 --> 00:38:20,264 We elevate those who say right but mean wrong, 399 00:38:20,431 --> 00:38:23,264 and mock those who say wrong but mean right. 400 00:38:25,223 --> 00:38:27,722 Society is based on hate. 401 00:38:27,890 --> 00:38:30,222 It should be based on forgiveness. 402 00:38:31,556 --> 00:38:34,181 Hatred is rudimentary. 403 00:38:36,056 --> 00:38:39,847 One should be able to forgive one's executioner. 404 00:38:44,639 --> 00:38:46,722 By the way, I can assure you 405 00:38:46,890 --> 00:38:51,097 that women who claim that Negros don't turn them on are lying. 406 00:38:51,265 --> 00:38:53,930 So, did they satisfy you? 407 00:38:54,098 --> 00:38:55,805 Those Ne... Negros. 408 00:38:57,347 --> 00:39:02,222 No, but they showed me that there was a world far from mine 409 00:39:02,389 --> 00:39:04,680 I had to explore. 410 00:39:04,848 --> 00:39:07,889 And there, or perhaps on the other side 411 00:39:08,056 --> 00:39:09,764 get my life back. 412 00:39:56,015 --> 00:39:58,263 Who are you? 413 00:40:00,347 --> 00:40:01,847 I know what you do. 414 00:40:02,765 --> 00:40:06,097 I'd like to be one of the women you see. 415 00:40:09,806 --> 00:40:12,055 That's of no interest. 416 00:40:17,931 --> 00:40:19,680 Madame. 417 00:41:12,765 --> 00:41:16,305 Princess, I specifically said five days, 418 00:41:16,473 --> 00:41:19,722 and five days haven't gone yet. 419 00:41:19,890 --> 00:41:25,722 So, you'll have to leave. Sorry. 420 00:41:35,848 --> 00:41:37,847 You still here? 421 00:41:40,015 --> 00:41:42,097 I, uh... 422 00:41:43,015 --> 00:41:45,472 I don't think this is for you. 423 00:41:48,598 --> 00:41:52,972 Shall we conduct a small test? 424 00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:58,138 Stand up. 425 00:42:06,389 --> 00:42:08,180 Sit down, please. 426 00:42:15,973 --> 00:42:21,930 I just want you to sit completely relaxed 427 00:42:22,097 --> 00:42:24,680 while I hit you in the face. 428 00:42:24,848 --> 00:42:26,555 Nothing special. 429 00:42:26,723 --> 00:42:31,054 It's just a... it's just a slap. 430 00:42:36,514 --> 00:42:38,221 You ready? 431 00:42:39,723 --> 00:42:41,722 I'm ready. 432 00:42:48,890 --> 00:42:50,680 No! 433 00:42:53,723 --> 00:42:55,263 See? 434 00:43:06,015 --> 00:43:08,722 How mysterious. 435 00:43:08,890 --> 00:43:11,764 Will you give me a reasonable explanation now, 436 00:43:11,931 --> 00:43:14,180 or shall we wait? 437 00:43:16,055 --> 00:43:17,847 I can't give you an explanation 438 00:43:18,014 --> 00:43:21,096 and certainly not a reasonable one. 439 00:43:21,264 --> 00:43:25,638 What exactly were the rumors about him? 440 00:43:25,806 --> 00:43:30,305 - That he was violent. - How can that be exciting? 441 00:43:33,931 --> 00:43:36,221 I think the easiest way to understand it 442 00:43:36,389 --> 00:43:39,013 is to refer to my rebellious nature. 443 00:43:40,598 --> 00:43:45,680 This business of K's was something I was completely against. 444 00:43:45,848 --> 00:43:47,764 So, the fact that I was now contacting him 445 00:43:47,931 --> 00:43:50,722 was a last, desperate attempt 446 00:43:50,890 --> 00:43:53,971 to rehabilitate my sexuality. 447 00:43:54,931 --> 00:43:58,305 The system was the overriding factor with K. 448 00:43:59,181 --> 00:44:01,305 A system of violence? 449 00:44:02,097 --> 00:44:05,096 Well, you were the one 450 00:44:05,264 --> 00:44:09,013 who insisted on the Western Church, right? 451 00:44:09,181 --> 00:44:11,555 And I... I seem to remember 452 00:44:11,723 --> 00:44:15,847 that the systematic approach to the crucifixion 453 00:44:16,014 --> 00:44:19,597 is of a violent and not to say sadistic nature. 454 00:44:19,765 --> 00:44:23,764 Oh yes, the Passion of Christ is full of systematic violence. 455 00:44:23,931 --> 00:44:26,638 The Via Dolorosa, the Nine Stations of the Cross, 456 00:44:26,806 --> 00:44:29,472 and the 39 lashes. 457 00:44:53,598 --> 00:44:56,388 You are beginning to irritate me. 458 00:45:26,681 --> 00:45:29,138 Let me tell you the rules, then. 459 00:45:31,055 --> 00:45:33,513 The first rule is that I don't fuck you, 460 00:45:34,473 --> 00:45:37,722 and there isn't any discussions about that. 461 00:45:38,723 --> 00:45:40,971 Then, what do you get out of it? 462 00:45:41,139 --> 00:45:45,971 That's my business, and I don't mean to mention it again. 463 00:45:46,139 --> 00:45:49,805 The second rule is that we have no safe word, 464 00:45:50,972 --> 00:45:53,513 meaning that if you, uh, go inside with me, 465 00:45:53,681 --> 00:45:56,430 there is nothing that you can say 466 00:45:56,598 --> 00:46:01,638 that will make me stop any plan or procedure. 467 00:46:01,806 --> 00:46:06,805 You must bring a brown, used leather riding crop. 468 00:46:06,972 --> 00:46:12,054 And not one from a shop selling sex toys. 469 00:46:12,222 --> 00:46:13,846 It's not a masquerade. 470 00:46:16,097 --> 00:46:18,513 Third rule... 471 00:46:18,681 --> 00:46:24,597 If I choose to let you in, you have to be sitting out here. 472 00:46:24,765 --> 00:46:29,305 In other words, you... you won't know when. 473 00:46:29,473 --> 00:46:35,013 Only that it would be some time between 2:00 and 6:00 at night. 474 00:46:35,181 --> 00:46:37,096 I can't stay here that late. 475 00:46:37,264 --> 00:46:41,054 My babysitter's not reliable, and I can't leave my child. 476 00:46:43,723 --> 00:46:45,346 You don't even know my name! 477 00:46:45,514 --> 00:46:47,929 I'm not interested in your name. 478 00:46:49,389 --> 00:46:51,846 Here, your name is... 479 00:46:54,431 --> 00:46:56,221 Fido. 480 00:47:09,972 --> 00:47:11,513 Can I help you? 481 00:47:11,681 --> 00:47:14,263 I'd like to buy a riding crop. 482 00:47:14,431 --> 00:47:17,764 - For what? - For my horse. 483 00:47:17,930 --> 00:47:20,346 Yes, I understand that part. What kind of horse? 484 00:47:22,889 --> 00:47:25,763 Well, it's not very big. 485 00:47:25,930 --> 00:47:28,388 No, I just meant is the whip for dressage or for jumping? 486 00:47:28,556 --> 00:47:30,472 Um... 487 00:47:30,681 --> 00:47:32,221 I don't know. 488 00:47:33,347 --> 00:47:35,846 This is a dressage whip. 489 00:47:36,014 --> 00:47:37,846 Well, it's probably for jumping, then. 490 00:47:38,014 --> 00:47:40,054 Okay. Like this? 491 00:47:44,139 --> 00:47:46,054 - Is it used? - No. 492 00:47:47,014 --> 00:47:49,971 We do have used whips, but these are not that expensive. 493 00:47:51,639 --> 00:47:53,472 I prefer a used one. 494 00:47:55,847 --> 00:47:57,388 Okay. 495 00:48:04,556 --> 00:48:07,263 Marcel’s awake. 496 00:48:07,431 --> 00:48:09,804 Do you want to say goodbye to your mom? 497 00:48:09,972 --> 00:48:12,346 Goodbye. 498 00:49:11,389 --> 00:49:12,846 Fido... 499 00:49:34,930 --> 00:49:36,929 I'll take your coat. 500 00:49:57,306 --> 00:49:59,721 I'd like you to have your hair up. 501 00:50:01,014 --> 00:50:03,721 You can use this. 502 00:50:03,889 --> 00:50:07,679 Just in case it becomes necessary for me to hit you in the face. 503 00:50:07,847 --> 00:50:10,346 Should I take my clothes off? 504 00:50:11,847 --> 00:50:15,138 I'll tell you what to do and when. 505 00:50:17,014 --> 00:50:18,679 You may sit down. 506 00:50:29,014 --> 00:50:30,846 Give me your hand. 507 00:50:38,222 --> 00:50:40,637 I wanna see what this knot looks like on your wrist. 508 00:50:57,473 --> 00:50:58,763 Okay. 509 00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:07,596 You may get up. 510 00:51:15,014 --> 00:51:17,763 - Now you may bend down. - How? 511 00:51:20,014 --> 00:51:21,929 Approach the chair. 512 00:51:23,638 --> 00:51:25,346 Now bend from the hips. 513 00:51:28,555 --> 00:51:31,472 Look forward. Look forward. With your head up. 514 00:51:31,638 --> 00:51:34,512 Head up. Keep looking forward. 515 00:51:41,264 --> 00:51:43,305 Keep looking forward. 516 00:51:47,805 --> 00:51:49,679 You may stand up. 517 00:51:51,264 --> 00:51:53,263 We have to use the couch. 518 00:51:55,805 --> 00:51:57,637 Come and sit. 519 00:52:00,097 --> 00:52:04,013 Take it easy. Take it easy. 520 00:52:04,181 --> 00:52:05,888 Bend over. 521 00:52:08,473 --> 00:52:10,679 Lay your arms out straight. 522 00:52:21,181 --> 00:52:23,512 Take it easy. Take it easy. 523 00:53:05,055 --> 00:53:07,929 Bring your hands out straight. 524 00:53:08,139 --> 00:53:10,346 Palms facing each other. 525 00:53:18,389 --> 00:53:19,971 Take it easy. 526 00:53:56,972 --> 00:53:59,180 Next time, don't wear knickers. 527 00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:27,929 Your ass is not high enough. 528 00:54:28,097 --> 00:54:29,263 I don't think we can do this today. 529 00:54:29,430 --> 00:54:31,013 What? 530 00:54:37,847 --> 00:54:39,929 I'd like to see you again on Thursday. 531 00:54:47,055 --> 00:54:49,387 What's wrong? 532 00:54:49,555 --> 00:54:52,221 I think we should see how it goes on Thursday. 533 00:55:05,139 --> 00:55:06,971 Hi, I can't come to the phone right now. 534 00:55:07,139 --> 00:55:09,304 Please, leave a message. 535 00:55:09,472 --> 00:55:12,304 Yes, this is Marcel’s mother again. 536 00:55:12,472 --> 00:55:16,846 It's now 1:30. We had an agreement. 537 00:55:17,014 --> 00:55:21,554 I hope you get this message and come as quickly as you can. 538 00:55:23,139 --> 00:55:25,971 Ah, Marcel is sleeping. 539 00:55:26,139 --> 00:55:30,263 Uh... I have to go now. 540 00:56:26,055 --> 00:56:27,971 Raise yourself up. 541 00:56:30,889 --> 00:56:32,804 Even further. 542 00:56:36,597 --> 00:56:38,138 Better. 543 00:56:58,221 --> 00:57:02,220 Also so much better. So much better. 544 00:57:08,638 --> 00:57:11,471 I am now going to hit you 12 times, 545 00:57:11,638 --> 00:57:13,804 no matter how much you scream 546 00:57:13,972 --> 00:57:16,179 'cause no one can hear you down here. 547 00:57:23,555 --> 00:57:27,387 That's, uh, that's not how it goes. 548 00:57:28,972 --> 00:57:31,721 Most people don't scream until I hit them. 549 00:58:33,513 --> 00:58:35,137 That's it. 550 00:58:39,305 --> 00:58:42,888 - Thank you. - You're very welcome. 551 00:58:54,138 --> 00:58:56,220 Hello? Are you there? 552 00:58:58,680 --> 00:59:02,137 It's just all so very strange. 553 00:59:02,305 --> 00:59:06,054 Yes. Very, very strange. 554 00:59:06,764 --> 00:59:12,053 Because I was wetter the second time. There's no doubt about it. 555 00:59:12,221 --> 00:59:15,095 I don't know where we get our sexuality from 556 00:59:15,263 --> 00:59:19,345 or where tendencies of this kind come from. 557 00:59:20,430 --> 00:59:23,471 Probably a perversion created in our childhood 558 00:59:23,638 --> 00:59:25,929 that never manifested itself before. 559 00:59:26,096 --> 00:59:30,512 Well, oddly enough, Freud says the opposite. 560 00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:34,220 He talks about the polymorphic perversion of a child, 561 00:59:34,388 --> 00:59:39,512 meaning that in a child, all kinds of perversions exist. 562 00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:42,846 And then we use the childhood to diminish 563 00:59:43,014 --> 00:59:45,596 or remove some of them. 564 00:59:45,764 --> 00:59:49,053 Basically, a child is sexually polymorphic, 565 00:59:49,221 --> 00:59:52,846 and everything is sexuality in an infant. 566 00:59:53,013 --> 00:59:56,137 And yet it was deeply bizarre 567 00:59:56,305 --> 01:00:00,179 to lie there and especially to want to lie there. 568 01:00:04,430 --> 01:00:07,429 I felt invincible. 569 01:00:07,597 --> 01:00:10,262 But mostly, I felt like a potted plant. 570 01:00:11,889 --> 01:00:13,471 Potted plant? 571 01:00:13,638 --> 01:00:17,679 Yes, because he was constantly checking my cunt juice. 572 01:00:17,847 --> 01:00:22,804 The way old ladies check their potted plant to see if they need watering. 573 01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:29,679 It is an interesting point that you actually lubricated 574 01:00:29,847 --> 01:00:33,929 in expectation for a pain that you hadn't experienced. 575 01:00:35,889 --> 01:00:38,804 Your body prepared itself for an intercourse 576 01:00:38,971 --> 01:00:41,387 that you knew wouldn't happen. 577 01:00:43,305 --> 01:00:46,970 I can only describe the mood as sexual. 578 01:00:48,971 --> 01:00:51,512 Despite K's immature appearance, 579 01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:55,846 his methods were surprisingly refined. 580 01:00:56,013 --> 01:01:00,512 As I twisted and turned while he was whipping me, 581 01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:04,429 I could feel how clever his knots were. 582 01:01:04,597 --> 01:01:08,262 If I fought them, they would get tighter, 583 01:01:08,430 --> 01:01:12,345 and as I relaxed, it seemed they did, too. 584 01:01:12,597 --> 01:01:15,095 Hmm. 585 01:01:15,388 --> 01:01:19,012 Like a cat playing with a mouse. 586 01:01:20,472 --> 01:01:22,763 Fooling it to believe it has a chance of escape 587 01:01:22,929 --> 01:01:26,387 and then attacking it again. 588 01:01:28,388 --> 01:01:33,970 I don't know what kind of knot K used, 589 01:01:34,138 --> 01:01:39,387 but I know of a knot that tightens when force is exerted 590 01:01:39,555 --> 01:01:42,304 and vice versa. It's called a Prusik knot. 591 01:01:42,472 --> 01:01:45,345 It's after a man called Prusik. 592 01:01:45,513 --> 01:01:47,345 He was a mountain climber, 593 01:01:47,513 --> 01:01:49,179 and he and a friend were out climbing 594 01:01:49,346 --> 01:01:53,679 and they had an accident, and his friend died. 595 01:01:53,847 --> 01:01:57,095 And he ended up hanging at the end of a rope 596 01:01:57,263 --> 01:02:00,763 with no possibility of getting up. 597 01:02:00,929 --> 01:02:03,554 You know, you can't climb up a mountain climber rope. 598 01:02:03,722 --> 01:02:05,512 It's too thin. 599 01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:09,053 But he was an intelligent man, and with his back to the wall, 600 01:02:09,221 --> 01:02:11,053 he was a genius. 601 01:02:12,805 --> 01:02:16,012 And he took the shoelaces out of his boots 602 01:02:16,180 --> 01:02:20,304 and made two loops and affixed them to the rope. 603 01:02:20,472 --> 01:02:22,804 And he could move these up 604 01:02:22,971 --> 01:02:24,220 when they weren't under tension. 605 01:02:24,388 --> 01:02:26,679 And then he could step into them 606 01:02:26,847 --> 01:02:30,928 and climb the rope and save himself. 607 01:02:31,096 --> 01:02:33,220 Prusik. 608 01:02:35,846 --> 01:02:39,554 I think this was one of your weakest digressions. 609 01:02:43,555 --> 01:02:48,137 - May I continue? - Be my guest. 610 01:02:52,764 --> 01:02:56,845 Tomorrow bring 15 small coins, all the same. 611 01:02:58,888 --> 01:03:00,845 No more, no less. 612 01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:05,012 I sometimes give a Christmas present. 613 01:05:05,763 --> 01:05:09,429 But uh, you have to do the work yourself. 614 01:05:09,597 --> 01:05:12,304 I'm going to show you how to do it. 615 01:05:27,221 --> 01:05:29,220 This is called a blood knot. 616 01:05:29,388 --> 01:05:33,762 You have to make nine ropes with three blood knots on each. 617 01:05:33,929 --> 01:05:35,762 Let me see you do it. 618 01:05:35,929 --> 01:05:40,596 You decide whether to make four, five, or six turns 619 01:05:40,763 --> 01:05:42,762 on the various knots. 620 01:05:53,971 --> 01:05:55,678 Let me see. 621 01:06:02,971 --> 01:06:05,095 That's fine. 622 01:06:05,263 --> 01:06:08,387 If you... if you start with one knot 623 01:06:08,555 --> 01:06:11,304 at the top of the rope, 624 01:06:11,472 --> 01:06:16,262 and then you have to put two more knots at a distance of... 625 01:06:16,430 --> 01:06:20,554 Well, between 10 and 20 centimeters to be exact, 626 01:06:20,721 --> 01:06:22,304 but the most important thing with blood knots 627 01:06:22,472 --> 01:06:25,554 on the nine ropes is that they are placed differently 628 01:06:25,721 --> 01:06:28,095 and that they are staggered. 629 01:06:34,013 --> 01:06:36,845 The cat-o-nine-tails is often called 630 01:06:37,013 --> 01:06:39,887 the "Captain's Daughter" aboard ships. 631 01:06:43,763 --> 01:06:46,012 The blood knot is important 632 01:06:46,180 --> 01:06:48,928 because those are the ones that break the skin and not, 633 01:06:49,555 --> 01:06:55,304 as erroneously thought, the end of the rope. 634 01:06:55,472 --> 01:07:01,304 A gallows knot is also a kind of a blood knot with many turns. 635 01:07:01,472 --> 01:07:05,970 The American military standard demanded five to 15 turns, 636 01:07:06,138 --> 01:07:09,179 as it was the turns placed behind the left ear of the delinquent 637 01:07:09,346 --> 01:07:12,554 that would break the neck of the condemned as he fell. 638 01:07:16,096 --> 01:07:17,887 I'll take it from here. 639 01:10:08,429 --> 01:10:10,095 Joe? 640 01:10:11,971 --> 01:10:13,511 Love? 641 01:10:23,554 --> 01:10:24,970 Marcel? 642 01:10:28,804 --> 01:10:30,262 Marcel. 643 01:11:10,054 --> 01:11:13,095 - Are you fond of me still? - Yes. 644 01:11:13,263 --> 01:11:16,220 More fond of me than the others? 645 01:11:18,180 --> 01:11:21,053 - Yes? - Yes. 646 01:11:21,221 --> 01:11:24,928 You're not thinking of leaving again tonight, are you? 647 01:11:25,096 --> 01:11:26,304 - No. - No? 648 01:11:26,471 --> 01:11:28,928 - No, no. Not at all. - You sure? 649 01:11:30,512 --> 01:11:31,636 Yeah. 650 01:11:31,804 --> 01:11:34,553 Are you lying to me, Joe? 651 01:11:34,721 --> 01:11:36,595 - No. - Be honest. 652 01:11:36,763 --> 01:11:41,262 It's all right. Just fucking say it. 653 01:11:41,429 --> 01:11:43,762 No, I... I just want to be here. 654 01:11:43,929 --> 01:11:45,762 Why? 655 01:11:49,596 --> 01:11:51,428 I don't know. 656 01:11:57,679 --> 01:12:00,762 If you leave tonight, 657 01:12:00,929 --> 01:12:04,470 you'll never see me or Marcel ever again in your life. 658 01:12:08,138 --> 01:12:10,179 You understand? 659 01:13:26,013 --> 01:13:27,803 Is this goodbye? 660 01:13:31,054 --> 01:13:34,053 Is that what you're saying? 661 01:13:34,220 --> 01:13:35,511 Marcel, get up. 662 01:13:35,679 --> 01:13:37,803 - Stop it. - Is that what you want? 663 01:13:39,345 --> 01:13:42,970 Yeah, so you could see him. Look at him, Joe. 664 01:13:48,471 --> 01:13:51,470 Let's face it, Joe, you're not a mother. 665 01:13:53,512 --> 01:13:55,095 Let's wake him up. 666 01:13:55,262 --> 01:13:59,595 Marcel, baby boy. Say bye, Mom. 667 01:14:00,763 --> 01:14:03,386 - Please, put him... - Is this what you want? 668 01:14:07,179 --> 01:14:08,887 You see? 669 01:14:09,054 --> 01:14:12,095 You see, he wants you. 670 01:14:12,262 --> 01:14:14,095 Come. 671 01:14:15,054 --> 01:14:18,137 It's Christmas. It's fucking Christmas. 672 01:14:41,013 --> 01:14:42,261 What is this? 673 01:14:44,304 --> 01:14:47,553 Today it's Madame who must wait. 674 01:14:55,804 --> 01:14:57,762 Madame, I'm very sorry, 675 01:14:57,929 --> 01:15:00,887 but I have to have a few words with Fido first. 676 01:15:11,679 --> 01:15:14,303 Your behavior is really upsetting me today. 677 01:15:25,054 --> 01:15:27,887 I really ought to send you home. 678 01:15:49,804 --> 01:15:51,845 Happy Christmas, Fido. 679 01:16:54,137 --> 01:16:56,762 - I want your cock. - What did you say? 680 01:16:58,262 --> 01:16:59,803 I want your cock. 681 01:16:59,971 --> 01:17:03,553 No, you don't. No, you don't. 682 01:17:06,888 --> 01:17:09,052 What's the matter with you today? 683 01:17:30,763 --> 01:17:36,303 On account of the holidays and your behavior today, 684 01:17:36,471 --> 01:17:38,762 I'm going to give you the original Roman maximum 685 01:17:38,929 --> 01:17:41,928 of 40 lashes. Are you ready, Fido? 686 01:17:44,137 --> 01:17:45,678 I'm ready. 687 01:17:51,012 --> 01:17:52,762 One. 688 01:17:55,053 --> 01:17:56,052 Two. 689 01:17:58,345 --> 01:17:59,386 Three. 690 01:18:01,888 --> 01:18:03,344 Four. 691 01:18:04,637 --> 01:18:05,803 Five. 692 01:18:08,095 --> 01:18:09,511 Six. 693 01:18:22,846 --> 01:18:25,219 I'd seen through K's knot technique, 694 01:18:25,387 --> 01:18:27,887 so I was able to loosen my position a bit 695 01:18:28,053 --> 01:18:30,720 to move my pelvis and thereby stimulate 696 01:18:30,888 --> 01:18:33,595 my clitoris against the cover of the book. 697 01:18:58,970 --> 01:19:00,428 Forty. 698 01:19:11,137 --> 01:19:16,136 And when you came home, Jerome and the child were gone? 699 01:19:22,970 --> 01:19:26,011 I haven't seen Marcel since. 700 01:19:29,554 --> 01:19:34,136 This sentimentality... I hate it. 701 01:19:37,387 --> 01:19:40,803 - Why? - Because it's a lie. 702 01:19:45,095 --> 01:19:46,927 Are you sure? 703 01:19:53,928 --> 01:19:55,927 Jerome understood that he couldn't prioritize 704 01:19:56,095 --> 01:20:00,802 his life according to a child either, 705 01:20:00,970 --> 01:20:03,927 so he put him in a foster home. 706 01:20:06,845 --> 01:20:09,678 My only contact to the boy is the thousand pounds 707 01:20:09,845 --> 01:20:12,762 I put in his account every month. 708 01:20:12,928 --> 01:20:14,386 Anonymously. 709 01:20:17,554 --> 01:20:19,762 As a penance. 710 01:20:29,679 --> 01:20:30,886 Every time I leave, 711 01:20:31,053 --> 01:20:35,011 I have this feeling that when I return, you'll be gone. 712 01:20:38,928 --> 01:20:40,802 And all I can hear is the cat flap, 713 01:20:40,970 --> 01:20:44,428 swinging back and forth. 714 01:20:47,179 --> 01:20:50,636 Thank you. I didn't know you had a cat flap. 715 01:20:51,429 --> 01:20:52,636 I used to have a cat, 716 01:20:52,803 --> 01:20:56,136 so I have a cat flap in the door to the stairwell. 717 01:20:56,304 --> 01:20:58,094 But how did it get outside? 718 01:21:01,137 --> 01:21:05,428 I never thought of that. I suppose through the basement. 719 01:21:05,596 --> 01:21:07,303 The thing is... 720 01:21:07,471 --> 01:21:10,303 Every time someone opens the door to the street, 721 01:21:10,471 --> 01:21:13,553 the cat flap squeaks. 722 01:21:13,721 --> 01:21:15,553 There's a lot of drafts in the house. 723 01:21:17,095 --> 01:21:19,844 It hasn't squeaked yet. 724 01:21:20,845 --> 01:21:24,178 No, there's not many people coming and going. 725 01:21:24,345 --> 01:21:26,303 That's a bit creepy. 726 01:21:26,471 --> 01:21:29,678 No, I like it. 727 01:21:29,845 --> 01:21:33,719 It's... it's peaceful. 728 01:21:38,387 --> 01:21:43,719 After all this sadness, may I ask what happened to the silent duck? 729 01:21:44,762 --> 01:21:48,678 Oh, shit. The silent duck. 730 01:21:48,845 --> 01:21:51,595 I'd forgotten all about it. 731 01:21:52,554 --> 01:21:55,303 One night K had been in what was for him 732 01:21:55,471 --> 01:21:57,386 an unusually good mood. 733 01:21:57,554 --> 01:22:00,052 I don't know what caused it, but he didn't hit hard, 734 01:22:00,220 --> 01:22:02,344 and he joked that he would introduce me 735 01:22:02,512 --> 01:22:05,344 to the concept of the silent duck. 736 01:22:30,596 --> 01:22:34,553 One hardly dare imagine the quacking duck. 737 01:22:47,845 --> 01:22:50,761 Well, deep down, 738 01:22:50,928 --> 01:22:54,094 little K seems to have been a jolly man 739 01:22:54,262 --> 01:22:55,470 with versatile talents. 740 01:22:55,636 --> 01:22:59,386 But he got that bit about Roman punishment 741 01:22:59,554 --> 01:23:01,969 and the 40 lashes wrong. 742 01:23:02,137 --> 01:23:03,761 Because it's true that the highest punishment 743 01:23:03,928 --> 01:23:08,927 was 40 lashes, but it had to be delivered in series of three. 744 01:23:09,095 --> 01:23:10,969 That's why Jesus only got 39 lashes 745 01:23:11,137 --> 01:23:16,761 because three goes into 39 but not into 40. 746 01:23:19,636 --> 01:23:22,844 Well, I don't know about K being jolly. 747 01:23:23,012 --> 01:23:25,470 His position as a sadist 748 01:23:25,636 --> 01:23:28,761 wasn't perhaps as enviable as it might first appear. 749 01:23:28,928 --> 01:23:33,969 Superficially, the sadist acts as the decider. 750 01:23:34,803 --> 01:23:37,719 But I once had a conversation with a prostitute, 751 01:23:37,887 --> 01:23:40,344 who had tried all the variations in her field. 752 01:23:40,512 --> 01:23:42,136 She wasn't surprised by anything. 753 01:23:42,304 --> 01:23:47,178 And she admitted to have only masochists. 754 01:23:48,095 --> 01:23:49,219 Masochists, for her, 755 01:23:49,387 --> 01:23:52,344 were the most demanding and the most ungrateful. 756 01:23:53,304 --> 01:23:55,719 First, she were to deduce their desire 757 01:23:55,887 --> 01:23:57,594 by reading their thoughts, 758 01:23:57,762 --> 01:24:01,719 then perform without any alteration from the norm, 759 01:24:01,887 --> 01:24:05,052 and after which, unlike other clients 760 01:24:05,220 --> 01:24:08,553 and the most honorable sadists, for example, 761 01:24:08,720 --> 01:24:10,635 you never received any thanks, 762 01:24:11,553 --> 01:24:14,344 let alone gifts or flowers. 763 01:24:18,970 --> 01:24:21,761 I never went in that direction again, 764 01:24:21,928 --> 01:24:24,386 neither back to K or masochism. 765 01:24:34,678 --> 01:24:37,386 But I took the orgasm with me. 766 01:24:38,803 --> 01:24:43,344 You yet have to show me one single example of maliciousness. 767 01:24:44,137 --> 01:24:46,552 But that's all I'm doing! 768 01:24:46,720 --> 01:24:49,511 It's as if you want to misunderstand me. 769 01:24:49,678 --> 01:24:53,303 You keep inventing complicated and false excuses 770 01:24:53,471 --> 01:24:55,927 for my despicable and selfish actions. 771 01:24:58,179 --> 01:24:59,969 During the time when our relationship 772 01:25:00,137 --> 01:25:02,927 was going downhill, Jerome really tried his best. 773 01:25:06,137 --> 01:25:07,719 I bought you something. 774 01:25:07,887 --> 01:25:09,635 - You bought me something? - I'm sure you'll love it. 775 01:25:11,262 --> 01:25:14,094 - Wow, it's a ring. - Yeah. 776 01:25:15,137 --> 01:25:16,178 It's beautiful. 777 01:25:16,345 --> 01:25:19,470 It was impossible for me to work out Jerome's income. 778 01:25:19,636 --> 01:25:23,510 Sometimes he had lots of money and other times none, 779 01:25:23,678 --> 01:25:24,927 which I later thought perhaps 780 01:25:25,095 --> 01:25:28,386 meant that his work was not entirely above board. 781 01:25:28,553 --> 01:25:31,635 But this time he'd really gone all out. 782 01:25:31,803 --> 01:25:36,344 - That must've been so expensive. - Well, it wasn't cheap. 783 01:25:36,511 --> 01:25:38,594 - Best craftsmanship. - Hmm. 784 01:25:38,762 --> 01:25:40,969 I'll guarantee you that. 785 01:25:41,137 --> 01:25:43,552 Let's play a game, then. 786 01:25:43,720 --> 01:25:45,969 - A game? - Mm-hmm. Get up. 787 01:25:46,137 --> 01:25:47,219 Okay. 788 01:25:47,387 --> 01:25:49,594 - It's called "Cinderella". - I don't know it. 789 01:25:49,762 --> 01:25:51,635 - You will. - Okay. 790 01:25:51,803 --> 01:25:53,677 - Right. - No, you don't touch it. 791 01:25:53,845 --> 01:25:55,386 - Okay. - You just look at it. 792 01:25:57,845 --> 01:25:59,635 Okay? Are you ready? 793 01:26:01,179 --> 01:26:02,802 - Yes. - Steady. 794 01:26:02,970 --> 01:26:05,261 Steady. 795 01:26:05,429 --> 01:26:07,178 - Go. - Fuck! Joe! 796 01:26:07,345 --> 01:26:08,552 Come on, Cinderella. 797 01:26:08,720 --> 01:26:11,178 - Oh, fuck. - Come on, come on. 798 01:26:11,345 --> 01:26:14,635 Joe! For fuck's sake. 799 01:26:14,803 --> 01:26:16,969 - Move! - Cinderella, Cinderella! 800 01:26:17,137 --> 01:26:20,219 Fuck! Are you mad, Joe? 801 01:26:21,095 --> 01:26:23,927 Are you fucking mad? Fuck! Fuck. 802 01:26:24,095 --> 01:26:27,011 £7,000, Joe! 803 01:26:28,762 --> 01:26:30,178 Did he find it? 804 01:26:30,345 --> 01:26:35,219 Oh yes, and returned it and got all his money back. 805 01:26:35,387 --> 01:26:39,969 So can you call this game anything other than malicious? 806 01:26:44,845 --> 01:26:47,510 Let me chew on that for a while. 807 01:26:51,470 --> 01:26:54,552 So it wasn't the diamond that you're wearing around your neck? 808 01:26:54,720 --> 01:26:58,011 No. But that was a gift, too. 809 01:26:58,179 --> 01:27:00,094 But I have to be honest and say 810 01:27:00,262 --> 01:27:03,052 I can't remember the person who gave it to me. 811 01:27:04,012 --> 01:27:06,969 I've always been in... in the theoretical way, of course, 812 01:27:07,137 --> 01:27:09,136 interested in diamonds and their cuts. 813 01:27:09,304 --> 01:27:12,178 The word "brilliant" refers to the cut. 814 01:27:12,345 --> 01:27:15,094 Diamond is the stone. 815 01:27:16,970 --> 01:27:19,052 If we use the word "divine" in connection 816 01:27:19,220 --> 01:27:21,303 with the Golden Section and Fibonacci, 817 01:27:21,470 --> 01:27:23,594 the brilliant cut is nothing less. 818 01:27:24,345 --> 01:27:27,510 It's a frighteningly refined cut. 819 01:27:27,678 --> 01:27:30,261 Fifty-seven facets. 820 01:27:30,428 --> 01:27:33,594 The theory is that the light enters through the top plane, 821 01:27:33,762 --> 01:27:38,011 which is called the table or in some languages the mirror, 822 01:27:38,179 --> 01:27:42,303 and then inside the diamond is refracted in all the facets 823 01:27:42,470 --> 01:27:44,303 and thrown out the same way, 824 01:27:44,470 --> 01:27:49,469 creating a absolutely unique light effect. 825 01:27:51,511 --> 01:27:55,303 So, it's called a mirror. I didn't know that. 826 01:27:56,511 --> 01:27:58,303 You have a mirror, too. 827 01:28:00,762 --> 01:28:02,469 Yeah. 828 01:28:02,636 --> 01:28:05,052 It's like a thought, isn't it? 829 01:28:34,678 --> 01:28:35,927 Some years later, 830 01:28:36,095 --> 01:28:39,302 the bodily abuse began to have an effect. 831 01:28:39,553 --> 01:28:42,802 First, rare bleedings from my clitoris, 832 01:28:42,970 --> 01:28:46,343 but then they became more and more frequent. 833 01:28:56,053 --> 01:28:57,635 Come in. 834 01:29:01,261 --> 01:29:04,969 But I really need my salary. 835 01:29:05,137 --> 01:29:06,719 I know. 836 01:29:08,095 --> 01:29:10,635 And I'd like to help you. 837 01:29:11,470 --> 01:29:14,719 Have you heard any of the rumors about yourself? 838 01:29:18,303 --> 01:29:20,969 They say you see men every evening 839 01:29:24,095 --> 01:29:26,844 and spend all night with them. 840 01:29:27,012 --> 01:29:30,260 They say you can't be trusted, all of them. 841 01:29:32,678 --> 01:29:34,886 Why do they say that? 842 01:29:36,803 --> 01:29:39,427 I suppose they're afraid that I... 843 01:29:39,595 --> 01:29:43,094 I can't keep away from their men. 844 01:29:45,219 --> 01:29:48,094 Right. And can you? 845 01:29:49,303 --> 01:29:50,719 No. 846 01:29:53,803 --> 01:29:56,302 I've spoken with a psychologist. 847 01:29:57,636 --> 01:29:59,510 He says you're addicted, 848 01:29:59,678 --> 01:30:02,260 but that it's not the kind of addiction that can't be treated. 849 01:30:02,970 --> 01:30:05,969 They have some groups. 850 01:30:06,137 --> 01:30:08,635 I know about these kinds of groups. 851 01:30:08,803 --> 01:30:11,844 I don't have anything to say to a psychologist. 852 01:30:12,012 --> 01:30:15,011 I'm not suggesting therapy. I'm demanding it. 853 01:30:16,470 --> 01:30:18,594 Even if you leave us, it'll be the same at your next job 854 01:30:18,762 --> 01:30:21,218 and the one after that. 855 01:30:26,178 --> 01:30:28,635 Why didn't you want to speak with a psychologist? 856 01:30:30,178 --> 01:30:33,469 It's an old story. I just don't like them. 857 01:30:36,762 --> 01:30:38,635 Well, if you insist that I try to understand, 858 01:30:38,803 --> 01:30:40,927 then you have to tell me that story as well. 859 01:30:41,095 --> 01:30:43,385 The old story. 860 01:30:44,553 --> 01:30:47,469 Okay. Okay. 861 01:30:47,636 --> 01:30:50,052 It's not that old after all. 862 01:30:50,803 --> 01:30:55,302 It was about a year after I'd lost Marcel and Jerome. 863 01:31:02,428 --> 01:31:03,802 Okay. 864 01:31:05,136 --> 01:31:07,886 I'd been careless with my birth control pills before, 865 01:31:08,053 --> 01:31:10,594 and now I just didn't use them. 866 01:31:10,803 --> 01:31:12,761 Didn't the whole experience with Marcel 867 01:31:12,928 --> 01:31:15,886 convince you that there was no room for children in your life? 868 01:31:16,053 --> 01:31:17,677 That's right. 869 01:31:22,428 --> 01:31:24,635 I know it sounds incomprehensible, 870 01:31:24,803 --> 01:31:27,302 but actually, it was because of my crippling fear 871 01:31:27,470 --> 01:31:30,594 of becoming pregnant that I didn't take the pills. 872 01:31:30,762 --> 01:31:32,802 It's probably impossible to understand. 873 01:31:32,970 --> 01:31:36,552 No, it makes sense to me. 874 01:31:36,720 --> 01:31:38,844 You were so afraid of getting pregnant 875 01:31:39,012 --> 01:31:42,427 that you repressed the possibility of it. 876 01:31:42,595 --> 01:31:45,844 You couldn't even handle seeing the box of pills. 877 01:31:51,428 --> 01:31:52,886 Okay. 878 01:31:58,303 --> 01:32:00,177 Would you turn it down? 879 01:32:02,845 --> 01:32:05,469 If you look at the screen you can see your child, 880 01:32:05,636 --> 01:32:07,385 but I can't tell you the gender yet. 881 01:32:07,553 --> 01:32:10,135 I don't give a shit about the gender. 882 01:32:10,303 --> 01:32:11,719 I want it removed. 883 01:32:14,762 --> 01:32:18,177 Okay. Uh, you're in week eleven. 884 01:32:18,344 --> 01:32:22,886 So legally, there are no barriers for an abortion. 885 01:32:23,053 --> 01:32:25,927 Yes, I know that. Just remove it. 886 01:32:26,094 --> 01:32:30,427 Well, we have some procedures to follow. 887 01:32:30,595 --> 01:32:32,218 There's nothing more to talk about. 888 01:32:32,386 --> 01:32:34,427 I can have it removed. I want it removed. 889 01:32:34,595 --> 01:32:37,635 It is a very big decision, best not made in haste. 890 01:32:37,803 --> 01:32:40,510 Didn't you understand what I just said? 891 01:32:40,678 --> 01:32:43,051 Okay, there's an informative consultation 892 01:32:43,219 --> 01:32:46,594 with our psychologist before you can have the procedure. 893 01:32:55,553 --> 01:32:57,969 You didn't really fill out the form. 894 01:32:58,136 --> 01:33:00,051 Maybe you didn't have time, 895 01:33:00,219 --> 01:33:05,260 uh, so I will need to ask a few more questions. 896 01:33:05,428 --> 01:33:08,969 What's the most important thing in your life right now? 897 01:33:09,136 --> 01:33:13,218 It could be many things, your family, your friends, your... 898 01:33:13,386 --> 01:33:15,510 The most important thing for me right now 899 01:33:15,678 --> 01:33:17,802 is to get an abortion. 900 01:33:19,595 --> 01:33:22,635 Yes. Well, that's what we're going to resolve together. 901 01:33:25,011 --> 01:33:27,469 I need some information. 902 01:33:30,094 --> 01:33:31,927 Do you love the father? 903 01:33:32,094 --> 01:33:35,385 That's none of your business. 904 01:33:35,553 --> 01:33:40,802 Well, it is my business because I'm here to form 905 01:33:40,970 --> 01:33:43,719 an impression of your circumstances. 906 01:33:43,887 --> 01:33:45,677 That's my job. 907 01:33:45,845 --> 01:33:47,635 Okay, so what would you most like me 908 01:33:47,803 --> 01:33:51,302 to answer about the father in order to get the fucking abortion? 909 01:33:51,470 --> 01:33:54,218 That I love him, or that I don't love him? 910 01:33:54,386 --> 01:33:58,927 Or that I... I don't know him because I fuck tons of men? 911 01:34:04,219 --> 01:34:07,177 I, uh, see that you were emotional 912 01:34:07,344 --> 01:34:09,552 during the doctor's examination. 913 01:34:09,720 --> 01:34:11,844 I think you're emotional. 914 01:34:12,011 --> 01:34:16,051 Please, listen. This is what we call an informative consultation. 915 01:34:16,219 --> 01:34:18,260 What is it I need to be informed of? 916 01:34:18,428 --> 01:34:20,469 That you can't stuff the kid back inside? 917 01:34:20,636 --> 01:34:23,135 I already know that. 918 01:34:24,386 --> 01:34:26,510 I just need to be certain 919 01:34:26,678 --> 01:34:28,886 that you're completely sure about your choice, 920 01:34:29,052 --> 01:34:32,218 and my professional opinion based on your behavior 921 01:34:32,386 --> 01:34:33,635 is that clearly you're not. 922 01:34:33,803 --> 01:34:35,968 I've never been more sure in my life. 923 01:34:36,136 --> 01:34:38,719 I want that fetus out right now. 924 01:34:38,887 --> 01:34:42,135 And as a professional, I cannot defend recommending an abortion 925 01:34:42,303 --> 01:34:43,385 based on this conversation. 926 01:34:43,553 --> 01:34:47,552 I've already had a kid! I know what I want! 927 01:34:47,720 --> 01:34:49,093 Fuck you. 928 01:34:55,803 --> 01:34:58,677 There were, of course, many ways to do it. 929 01:34:58,845 --> 01:35:01,469 But I had chosen to follow the common medical procedure 930 01:35:01,636 --> 01:35:04,427 I had learnt while studying medicine, 931 01:35:04,595 --> 01:35:06,719 as it was of great importance for me 932 01:35:06,887 --> 01:35:10,218 to get the fetus out straight away rather than wait for it 933 01:35:10,386 --> 01:35:13,302 to be expelled a couple of days later. 934 01:36:36,428 --> 01:36:39,302 Clearly, the most painful part 935 01:36:39,470 --> 01:36:42,343 would be the gradual opening of the cervix, 936 01:36:42,511 --> 01:36:46,801 which otherwise was always done under anesthesia. 937 01:39:12,052 --> 01:39:14,218 Say something, Pierrot. 938 01:39:16,178 --> 01:39:17,260 What do you mean? 939 01:39:17,428 --> 01:39:20,218 Well, you always have so many clever things to say. 940 01:39:26,052 --> 01:39:29,469 Well, I... I feel bad for you 941 01:39:29,635 --> 01:39:31,510 that you had to cause yourself so much pain. 942 01:39:37,927 --> 01:39:42,343 But the... the abortion is completely understandable. 943 01:39:42,511 --> 01:39:43,634 You simply thought the child 944 01:39:43,802 --> 01:39:46,260 wouldn't have a life worth living, so... 945 01:39:46,886 --> 01:39:48,885 Yeah, but the abortion in itself. 946 01:39:49,052 --> 01:39:51,843 - Abortion is not murder. - Oh, come on. 947 01:39:52,011 --> 01:39:55,926 Don't fall back on false clichés just for my sake. 948 01:39:56,094 --> 01:39:58,801 I ask again, what about the abortion? 949 01:39:58,969 --> 01:40:00,093 I have no comment. 950 01:40:00,261 --> 01:40:03,260 I'm a big proponent for abortion rights, 951 01:40:03,428 --> 01:40:06,010 but this is 100% female territory. 952 01:40:06,178 --> 01:40:08,427 I don't believe a man can ever comprehend 953 01:40:08,594 --> 01:40:11,177 the situation or the pain. 954 01:40:11,344 --> 01:40:15,302 And when it comes to the method, I think the less said, the better. 955 01:40:15,470 --> 01:40:18,427 Those are two very interesting points of view. 956 01:40:18,594 --> 01:40:21,427 First, you say that as a man, 957 01:40:21,594 --> 01:40:23,718 you can't understand a woman's feelings 958 01:40:23,886 --> 01:40:26,385 with regard to abortion. 959 01:40:26,553 --> 01:40:29,469 Well, that's a bit like saying that I couldn't understand 960 01:40:29,635 --> 01:40:32,385 the victims of earthquakes because they were Chinese. 961 01:40:33,927 --> 01:40:36,718 I thought we agreed that empathy 962 01:40:36,886 --> 01:40:39,634 was the foundation of all humanism. 963 01:40:39,802 --> 01:40:42,718 But I can see that it's very convenient for men 964 01:40:42,886 --> 01:40:45,968 to leave all that abortion stuff to women. 965 01:40:46,136 --> 01:40:47,760 That way they don't have to deal with the guilt 966 01:40:47,927 --> 01:40:50,885 and all of the small stuff. 967 01:40:51,052 --> 01:40:53,634 But your other remark provokes me even more. 968 01:40:53,802 --> 01:40:57,135 You think my method is not worth discussing? 969 01:40:59,219 --> 01:41:02,801 What enjoyment would I, or let alone a young pregnant girl, 970 01:41:02,969 --> 01:41:04,760 have from hearing all the lurid details 971 01:41:04,927 --> 01:41:09,010 about how a fetus is removed in a clinic or any other way? 972 01:41:11,052 --> 01:41:12,843 Well, then, we're back at the discussion 973 01:41:13,011 --> 01:41:15,551 about eating something that was once alive. 974 01:41:15,719 --> 01:41:19,593 Do you really think abortion is so repugnant 975 01:41:19,761 --> 01:41:21,343 if you believe that we should know 976 01:41:21,511 --> 01:41:25,010 how animals are slaughtered in order to eat them? 977 01:41:25,178 --> 01:41:27,177 Well, that's a fact we have to live with, 978 01:41:27,344 --> 01:41:29,469 even if we try to repress it. 979 01:41:29,635 --> 01:41:31,051 Just as we do with abortion. 980 01:41:31,219 --> 01:41:34,051 Well, you sound like a pro-lifer from Texas. 981 01:41:35,761 --> 01:41:37,385 I don't think so. 982 01:41:38,219 --> 01:41:40,926 First of all, I'm just as much a pro-choice as you are. 983 01:41:41,094 --> 01:41:42,469 But on principle, 984 01:41:42,635 --> 01:41:46,551 I believe that taboos are damaging for human beings. 985 01:41:47,594 --> 01:41:50,385 That's a relatively easy stance for you to take. 986 01:41:53,344 --> 01:41:56,427 One that can be misconstrued as a... 987 01:41:56,594 --> 01:41:59,427 as an argument against pregnancy termination. 988 01:42:01,719 --> 01:42:03,260 I don't want to belittle anything, 989 01:42:03,428 --> 01:42:06,843 but I can't see your abortion as anything but a... 990 01:42:08,094 --> 01:42:09,718 luxury problem. 991 01:42:13,136 --> 01:42:15,302 A luxury problem? 992 01:42:15,469 --> 01:42:18,676 The really serious, serious abortions, 993 01:42:18,844 --> 01:42:23,926 the ones that save lives, far from our social spheres, 994 01:42:24,094 --> 01:42:25,760 you can't endanger them just because you 995 01:42:25,927 --> 01:42:28,593 provocatively insist on showing the gory details. 996 01:42:29,927 --> 01:42:33,427 Consider all the millions of repressed women, 997 01:42:33,594 --> 01:42:38,135 the victims of rape and incest, hunger. 998 01:42:38,303 --> 01:42:41,302 All those who, maybe thanks to an abortion, 999 01:42:41,469 --> 01:42:42,509 have regained a new life, 1000 01:42:42,677 --> 01:42:46,509 maybe saved a child from starving to death. 1001 01:42:46,677 --> 01:42:51,676 You can't harm them just because of some principle of openness. 1002 01:42:54,844 --> 01:42:59,593 Luckily, I was able to get the head of the fetus out on the first try, 1003 01:42:59,761 --> 01:43:01,551 but it rarely goes like that. 1004 01:43:01,719 --> 01:43:05,177 In the 12th week, the diameter of the head 1005 01:43:05,344 --> 01:43:08,343 is a little more than 1.2 centimeters. 1006 01:43:08,510 --> 01:43:11,093 Therefore, a very impressive instrument 1007 01:43:11,261 --> 01:43:13,135 has been developed by the medical community. 1008 01:43:13,303 --> 01:43:16,010 The nutcracker is an instrument 1009 01:43:16,178 --> 01:43:19,968 that we use to get the fetus out of the uterus completely. 1010 01:43:20,136 --> 01:43:24,343 We enter it into and through the dilated cervical channel 1011 01:43:24,510 --> 01:43:26,926 and position it around the head of the fetus, 1012 01:43:27,094 --> 01:43:30,177 and you crack it like a nut, 1013 01:43:30,344 --> 01:43:33,051 and then you pull out the fetus, and there you have it. 1014 01:43:33,219 --> 01:43:35,801 That is the so-called nutcracker. 1015 01:43:35,969 --> 01:43:38,384 This is not something I need to know. 1016 01:43:39,719 --> 01:43:41,843 Oh, I hope you're not going 1017 01:43:42,011 --> 01:43:45,885 to be an opponent of abortion based on that. 1018 01:43:46,052 --> 01:43:49,509 No, but you have to think of the outrage 1019 01:43:49,677 --> 01:43:52,593 this knowledge would create in society. 1020 01:43:52,761 --> 01:43:56,509 So, you're saying that people in general are too stupid 1021 01:43:56,677 --> 01:44:00,843 to make decisions on an informed basis. 1022 01:44:01,011 --> 01:44:05,218 And that coming from a man who only an hour ago sermonized 1023 01:44:05,385 --> 01:44:07,760 about his belief in human qualities. 1024 01:44:07,927 --> 01:44:10,801 No, you... you're simplifying things. 1025 01:44:10,969 --> 01:44:13,926 You can't look at it like that. 1026 01:44:14,094 --> 01:44:16,509 It's funny to see you so emotional suddenly. 1027 01:44:21,427 --> 01:44:23,926 Looking back, it rankles me a bit 1028 01:44:24,094 --> 01:44:28,260 that I didn't just show up all calm and collected 1029 01:44:28,427 --> 01:44:31,801 at the appointment with the psychologist 1030 01:44:31,969 --> 01:44:34,551 and have my abortion under full anesthesia. 1031 01:44:34,719 --> 01:44:38,177 The fact is that when you're completely under, 1032 01:44:38,343 --> 01:44:41,010 the fetus doesn't feel anything either, 1033 01:44:41,178 --> 01:44:45,218 whereas my action, of course, caused pain, 1034 01:44:45,385 --> 01:44:47,260 depending on how much consciousness 1035 01:44:47,427 --> 01:44:52,177 you want to ascribe to a fetus about 12 weeks old. 1036 01:44:52,343 --> 01:44:54,885 I'm a bit nervous about bringing that subject up, 1037 01:44:55,052 --> 01:44:57,342 as most of the abortions in the world, 1038 01:44:57,510 --> 01:44:59,468 due to lack of resources, 1039 01:44:59,635 --> 01:45:03,760 occur just under local anesthesia or none. 1040 01:45:05,802 --> 01:45:08,593 Well, you're a careful man. 1041 01:45:09,594 --> 01:45:13,760 Whether we talk about abortion or not, you can't escape death, 1042 01:45:13,927 --> 01:45:17,843 and my fetus could have turned out to be a fine human being, 1043 01:45:18,011 --> 01:45:21,634 but one that would also eventually die. 1044 01:45:25,261 --> 01:45:27,676 What haunts me is the ironic detail 1045 01:45:27,844 --> 01:45:30,634 that my father and I were snail-gatherers. 1046 01:45:33,886 --> 01:45:38,051 We had the deepest compassion, not to say sentimentality, 1047 01:45:38,219 --> 01:45:41,301 about the smallest living things on the planet 1048 01:45:41,469 --> 01:45:43,760 which we demonstrated by saving snails, 1049 01:45:43,927 --> 01:45:47,426 often, by the way, the same size as my fetus, 1050 01:45:47,594 --> 01:45:50,301 from certain death on the path. 1051 01:45:50,469 --> 01:45:53,926 We did that only when the other one wasn't watching, 1052 01:45:54,094 --> 01:45:56,259 as it was a bit embarrassing. 1053 01:45:57,635 --> 01:46:00,093 Are you picking up snails? 1054 01:46:01,385 --> 01:46:03,051 No. 1055 01:46:04,927 --> 01:46:06,426 Are you sure you weren't picking up snails? 1056 01:46:06,594 --> 01:46:08,218 - Yeah. - You're sure? 1057 01:46:08,385 --> 01:46:10,468 Yeah. 1058 01:46:12,844 --> 01:46:16,718 - Shall we drop the subject? - Yes, please. 1059 01:46:16,886 --> 01:46:18,968 Are you sure you don't want a little tour 1060 01:46:19,136 --> 01:46:21,010 of the technical details 1061 01:46:21,178 --> 01:46:23,843 of removal of organs for organ donations? 1062 01:46:24,011 --> 01:46:26,426 No, thank you. I'm fine. 1063 01:46:29,094 --> 01:46:30,093 Where were we? 1064 01:46:31,011 --> 01:46:35,093 I think something about your boss sending you to see a psychologist. 1065 01:46:35,260 --> 01:46:37,093 Yes, that's right. 1066 01:46:42,510 --> 01:46:45,051 - My name is Joe. - Hi, Joe. 1067 01:46:45,218 --> 01:46:49,217 - And I'm a nymphomaniac. - Sex addict. 1068 01:46:49,385 --> 01:46:51,968 My name is Joe, and I'm a nymphomaniac. 1069 01:46:52,136 --> 01:46:55,509 We say sex addict. Here, everyone's the same. 1070 01:47:00,260 --> 01:47:04,551 Renée, last time you told us you had a plan. 1071 01:47:04,719 --> 01:47:06,593 How did it go? 1072 01:47:06,761 --> 01:47:10,885 I thought of trying something new, as nothing had helped. 1073 01:47:12,385 --> 01:47:15,968 I thought if I overdosed... 1074 01:47:16,136 --> 01:47:18,342 in other words, if I did the exact opposite 1075 01:47:18,510 --> 01:47:20,843 of what we are trying to do here, 1076 01:47:21,011 --> 01:47:22,426 then I could get well. 1077 01:47:22,594 --> 01:47:25,051 You mean function normally. 1078 01:47:25,218 --> 01:47:28,468 I had prepared the whole thing very carefully. 1079 01:47:28,635 --> 01:47:31,676 Sent my husband away for the weekend 1080 01:47:31,844 --> 01:47:35,676 and had the children taken care of. 1081 01:47:35,844 --> 01:47:37,843 It was to happen on the Saturday. 1082 01:47:40,177 --> 01:47:45,259 I had... I had collected phone numbers for a whole month, 1083 01:47:45,427 --> 01:47:48,426 and then back in the coal. 1084 01:48:27,343 --> 01:48:30,634 They fucked me for three hours. 1085 01:48:30,927 --> 01:48:33,926 And how did you feel about that? 1086 01:48:34,093 --> 01:48:37,010 Well, I never feel good afterwards. I feel ashamed. 1087 01:48:38,093 --> 01:48:40,509 But in relation to... to your addiction, 1088 01:48:40,677 --> 01:48:43,468 do you feel relieved like you thought you would? 1089 01:48:46,177 --> 01:48:47,342 No. 1090 01:48:48,844 --> 01:48:52,718 What should I do? I'm ready to do what's necessary. 1091 01:48:52,886 --> 01:48:55,718 Sex addiction is very different from, 1092 01:48:55,886 --> 01:48:58,509 say, abuse of drugs or alcohol 1093 01:48:58,677 --> 01:49:01,259 because you don't actually need either of those things. 1094 01:49:01,427 --> 01:49:03,551 These addictions can be completely removed 1095 01:49:03,719 --> 01:49:08,176 by removing the drug or the alcohol, not that that's easy. 1096 01:49:08,343 --> 01:49:10,885 But the difference with sex addiction 1097 01:49:11,051 --> 01:49:14,134 is that everyone has a sexuality 1098 01:49:14,302 --> 01:49:16,885 that's an integral part of their personality. 1099 01:49:18,761 --> 01:49:23,926 If one could imagine exterminating sexuality, 1100 01:49:24,093 --> 01:49:26,176 then you'd be left with a severely reduced person 1101 01:49:26,343 --> 01:49:30,801 because... because sexuality also includes tenderness, 1102 01:49:30,969 --> 01:49:34,468 contact, solidarity with others, 1103 01:49:34,635 --> 01:49:37,760 which would be hard to imagine anyone living without on some level. 1104 01:49:39,385 --> 01:49:43,050 What you're saying is that no one can remove their sexuality, 1105 01:49:43,218 --> 01:49:45,509 even though it's destroying everything for them. 1106 01:49:45,677 --> 01:49:47,551 I wouldn't say no one, 1107 01:49:47,719 --> 01:49:50,384 but let's say, at most, one in a million 1108 01:49:50,552 --> 01:49:53,342 manage to live a life without sexuality. 1109 01:49:53,510 --> 01:49:57,176 But you can't be basing your therapy on that one in a million. 1110 01:49:57,343 --> 01:50:00,760 No. The first and most important step 1111 01:50:00,927 --> 01:50:04,676 is to remove incentive and to reduce exposure. 1112 01:50:06,302 --> 01:50:08,092 You have to ask yourself 1113 01:50:08,260 --> 01:50:11,301 what kind of incentives you have and then make it difficult 1114 01:50:11,469 --> 01:50:13,217 for yourself to come into contact with them. 1115 01:50:13,385 --> 01:50:17,259 Basically, anything that makes you think about sex. 1116 01:52:25,719 --> 01:52:27,884 Stop it. 1117 01:52:32,010 --> 01:52:35,092 Joe has something she'd like to share. 1118 01:52:36,343 --> 01:52:38,760 - My name is Joe. - Hi, Joe. 1119 01:52:38,926 --> 01:52:40,718 And I'm a sex addict, 1120 01:52:40,885 --> 01:52:45,176 but I haven't had sex for three weeks and five days. 1121 01:52:48,385 --> 01:52:49,468 Tell us how you did it, Joe. 1122 01:52:49,635 --> 01:52:52,760 - You brought notes? - Yes. 1123 01:52:58,093 --> 01:53:03,134 Dear everyone, don't think it's been easy, 1124 01:53:03,302 --> 01:53:06,801 but I understand now that we are all alike. 1125 01:53:21,843 --> 01:53:26,217 - Are you okay, Joe? - Yes, yes. 1126 01:53:30,635 --> 01:53:32,593 Would you like a glass of water? 1127 01:53:35,302 --> 01:53:36,884 Thank you. 1128 01:53:45,635 --> 01:53:47,760 Would you rather share another time? 1129 01:53:53,552 --> 01:53:55,925 No, I'd like to speak. 1130 01:54:00,968 --> 01:54:06,217 Dear everyone, don't think it's been easy, 1131 01:54:06,385 --> 01:54:08,593 but I understand now 1132 01:54:08,760 --> 01:54:12,759 that we're not and never will be alike. 1133 01:54:15,010 --> 01:54:19,718 I'm not like you, who fucks to be validated 1134 01:54:19,885 --> 01:54:22,426 and might just as well give up putting cocks inside you. 1135 01:54:22,594 --> 01:54:26,259 You already got your bloody kick a long time ago 1136 01:54:26,427 --> 01:54:29,009 when it turned out that someone was even bothered to fuck you. 1137 01:54:29,177 --> 01:54:31,050 And I'm not like you. 1138 01:54:31,218 --> 01:54:33,092 Eat yourself to death if you want. 1139 01:54:33,260 --> 01:54:35,342 I have no pity for you. 1140 01:54:35,510 --> 01:54:37,217 All you want is to be filled up, 1141 01:54:37,385 --> 01:54:42,384 and whether it's by a man or by tons of disgusting slop 1142 01:54:42,552 --> 01:54:44,468 makes no difference, 1143 01:54:44,635 --> 01:54:46,842 because it's all just a pathetic attempt 1144 01:54:47,010 --> 01:54:49,925 at filling out your own resounding emptiness 1145 01:54:50,093 --> 01:54:54,925 and hiding your ridiculous egocentric self-loathing. 1146 01:54:55,093 --> 01:54:57,593 And I'm definitely not like you. 1147 01:54:57,760 --> 01:55:01,925 That empathy you claim is a lie 1148 01:55:02,093 --> 01:55:06,134 because all you are is society's morality police, 1149 01:55:06,302 --> 01:55:11,426 whose duty is to erase my obscenity from the surface of the Earth, 1150 01:55:11,594 --> 01:55:14,426 so that the bourgeoisie won't feel sick. 1151 01:55:17,635 --> 01:55:19,301 I'm not like you. 1152 01:55:20,510 --> 01:55:25,259 I am a nymphomaniac, and I love myself for being one, 1153 01:55:25,427 --> 01:55:29,800 but above all, I love my cunt 1154 01:55:29,968 --> 01:55:33,092 and my filthy, dirty lust. 1155 01:55:56,427 --> 01:55:58,551 What just happened? 1156 01:55:58,718 --> 01:56:02,759 I didn't get that, with the car that burned. 1157 01:56:02,926 --> 01:56:04,509 No, I'm sorry. 1158 01:56:04,676 --> 01:56:08,301 I was just in too much of a hurry to get to the last chapter. 1159 01:56:18,343 --> 01:56:20,342 It's dawning. 1160 01:56:20,510 --> 01:56:23,134 How can you tell? 1161 01:56:23,302 --> 01:56:26,050 Oh, it's... it's just a slight coloring. 1162 01:56:26,218 --> 01:56:29,633 I know because I've stood here so often at this time. 1163 01:56:31,010 --> 01:56:33,342 You could say I've developed an ability 1164 01:56:33,510 --> 01:56:37,301 to see dawn before everyone else. 1165 01:56:40,968 --> 01:56:43,800 Then you understand what I mean when I say 1166 01:56:43,968 --> 01:56:48,217 that twilight suddenly appeared at this point in my story. 1167 01:56:49,968 --> 01:56:53,592 I understood that society had no room for me, 1168 01:56:53,760 --> 01:56:58,301 and I had no room for society and never had. 1169 01:57:00,051 --> 01:57:02,342 It would've been much, much easier 1170 01:57:02,510 --> 01:57:04,759 to have realized that earlier on, 1171 01:57:04,926 --> 01:57:08,092 but suddenly, 1172 01:57:08,260 --> 01:57:11,009 my senses unfolded dramatically. 1173 01:57:12,843 --> 01:57:16,842 To go from the respectable daylight side of society 1174 01:57:17,010 --> 01:57:19,384 to the shady, nocturnal side 1175 01:57:20,260 --> 01:57:22,468 was like changing sides in a war. 1176 01:57:23,552 --> 01:57:26,009 You put your old army behind you, 1177 01:57:26,177 --> 01:57:29,550 and suddenly, the next second, you're swallowed by the new one. 1178 01:57:29,718 --> 01:57:32,092 There's no in between. 1179 01:57:46,177 --> 01:57:48,176 I'm sure it was quite natural for you 1180 01:57:48,343 --> 01:57:50,675 to furnish your room as a monk's cell, 1181 01:57:50,843 --> 01:57:55,342 but as an inspiration for this story, chapter headings 1182 01:57:55,510 --> 01:57:57,633 hasn't been easy. 1183 01:57:57,801 --> 01:58:00,884 There's simply nothing left for me to use. 1184 01:58:02,469 --> 01:58:04,468 Well, I'm sorry about that. 1185 01:58:05,801 --> 01:58:08,342 But if I may, I can give you a tip. 1186 01:58:09,718 --> 01:58:11,592 Yes, please. 1187 01:58:11,760 --> 01:58:14,468 You know, I occupy myself mostly with texts, 1188 01:58:14,634 --> 01:58:17,967 but sometimes the text can seem so... 1189 01:58:18,135 --> 01:58:22,009 so empty, so unfathomably empty. 1190 01:58:22,177 --> 01:58:26,134 It could be the best text by the most famous author. 1191 01:58:26,302 --> 01:58:29,925 The solution might be to change your point of view. 1192 01:58:31,634 --> 01:58:33,592 I don't get that. 1193 01:58:33,760 --> 01:58:38,925 Things hide when they become familiar. 1194 01:58:39,093 --> 01:58:43,092 But if you look at them from another angle, 1195 01:58:43,260 --> 01:58:46,050 they might take on a new meaning. 1196 01:58:57,177 --> 01:58:58,467 You're right. 1197 01:58:59,634 --> 01:59:04,217 Before this was just the stain from the tea I threw. 1198 01:59:05,676 --> 01:59:08,342 Can you see what it could be? 1199 01:59:09,801 --> 01:59:11,134 A revolver! 1200 01:59:11,302 --> 01:59:14,842 No, a revolver has a drum that revolves. 1201 01:59:15,010 --> 01:59:17,009 It's a pistol. 1202 01:59:17,177 --> 01:59:19,884 Can you see what kind it could be? 1203 01:59:20,051 --> 01:59:23,176 No, I don't remember anything like that from my literature. 1204 01:59:23,343 --> 01:59:25,759 Oh, but it's something I can remember from mine. 1205 01:59:25,926 --> 01:59:30,217 - Ian Fleming. - Not familiar. 1206 01:59:30,385 --> 01:59:33,633 If you haven't read that, you haven't read anything at all. 1207 01:59:35,010 --> 01:59:38,009 This could be, with a little imagination, 1208 01:59:38,177 --> 01:59:41,800 a Walther PPK automatic, 1209 01:59:41,968 --> 01:59:44,217 the same gun that was issued to Bond, 1210 01:59:44,385 --> 01:59:47,800 after his preferred pistol, the Beretta, had jammed. 1211 01:59:49,593 --> 01:59:51,009 Is that something you can use? 1212 01:59:52,968 --> 01:59:54,884 Oh, yes, it is. 1213 02:00:04,509 --> 02:00:09,009 Whether I left society or it left me, I cannot say. 1214 02:00:09,177 --> 02:00:12,301 I suppose you could make an argument for both sides. 1215 02:00:13,760 --> 02:00:15,759 I was on my way to the shady side 1216 02:00:15,926 --> 02:00:19,301 of the debt collecting business, which, among other things, 1217 02:00:19,468 --> 02:00:22,592 involves stuff like burning people's cars. 1218 02:00:24,634 --> 02:00:28,550 I had for a long time known about this man, L. 1219 02:00:33,843 --> 02:00:36,050 Hi, my name is Joe. 1220 02:00:36,218 --> 02:00:40,134 I know that. Come in. 1221 02:00:44,760 --> 02:00:46,717 I'm looking for a job. 1222 02:00:48,260 --> 02:00:49,675 I've been working in an office, 1223 02:00:49,843 --> 02:00:52,342 and I was never really good at it. 1224 02:00:52,509 --> 02:00:56,134 I can understand that. I mean, what's the point? 1225 02:00:58,801 --> 02:01:02,592 I've thought of you now and then and wondered when you'd show up. 1226 02:01:06,260 --> 02:01:10,259 My lifestyle is relatively expensive, 1227 02:01:12,093 --> 02:01:15,550 and I need a fair amount of free time for a sideline. 1228 02:01:15,718 --> 02:01:17,633 Of course. I already know that. 1229 02:01:17,801 --> 02:01:20,675 I believe I possess some qualifications 1230 02:01:20,843 --> 02:01:23,092 and that I'm rather unscrupulous. 1231 02:01:23,260 --> 02:01:26,842 I know all about your qualifications and they're excellent. 1232 02:01:27,010 --> 02:01:30,633 And you have already proven you are unscrupulous by coming here. 1233 02:01:33,218 --> 02:01:37,675 I would suggest that you start your own little business 1234 02:01:37,843 --> 02:01:39,717 with my help. 1235 02:01:39,885 --> 02:01:43,884 I understand you possess a great deal of insight 1236 02:01:44,051 --> 02:01:46,925 about a rather broad spectrum of men. 1237 02:01:48,260 --> 02:01:52,341 This could be, or should be, capitalized on. 1238 02:01:52,509 --> 02:01:55,009 What should I do? 1239 02:01:55,177 --> 02:01:58,134 I facilitate certain assignments for my humble firm 1240 02:01:58,301 --> 02:02:00,383 as part of a debt collection business. 1241 02:02:00,551 --> 02:02:03,050 In other words, I need subcontractors 1242 02:02:03,218 --> 02:02:05,925 who can put moderate pressure on individuals, 1243 02:02:06,093 --> 02:02:10,009 with whom my clients rightly or wrongly have a bone to pick. 1244 02:02:10,177 --> 02:02:12,633 - Understand? - Extortion. 1245 02:02:12,801 --> 02:02:14,592 No. No, no, no, no. 1246 02:02:14,760 --> 02:02:19,508 I always prefer the term "debt collection." 1247 02:02:21,218 --> 02:02:22,884 - Yeah. - I refrain from judging 1248 02:02:23,051 --> 02:02:27,300 whether my clients' wishes are legitimate or otherwise, 1249 02:02:27,468 --> 02:02:31,759 a point of view I strongly recommend you follow. 1250 02:02:33,426 --> 02:02:38,592 I'm still unsure of what it is I should do. 1251 02:02:38,760 --> 02:02:40,842 Well, you'll need two thugs, 1252 02:02:41,010 --> 02:02:43,550 and I can think of two good ones. 1253 02:02:43,718 --> 02:02:48,258 They both have a lot of experience and can show you the ropes. 1254 02:02:49,384 --> 02:02:51,258 That's interesting. 1255 02:02:51,426 --> 02:02:54,425 It's not at all interesting. 1256 02:02:54,593 --> 02:02:56,842 Most interesting thing about it was 1257 02:02:57,010 --> 02:02:59,884 how easily I dedicated myself to crime. 1258 02:03:00,051 --> 02:03:02,258 My main qualification, of course, 1259 02:03:02,426 --> 02:03:05,508 was my considerable experience with men and sex. 1260 02:03:05,676 --> 02:03:09,717 But even my more specialized skills came in handy. 1261 02:03:31,384 --> 02:03:35,258 No, now this is not how it goes. 1262 02:03:35,426 --> 02:03:37,759 You have to wait until you're hit. 1263 02:03:40,468 --> 02:03:44,175 The two helpers that L had recommended were okay, 1264 02:03:44,342 --> 02:03:47,842 but they were predisposed to a rather repetitive technique, 1265 02:03:48,010 --> 02:03:51,800 which consisted of creating as much havoc as possible 1266 02:03:51,968 --> 02:03:53,383 with a pair of iron bars. 1267 02:04:09,051 --> 02:04:13,383 Destroying your things doesn't seem to have much effect on you. 1268 02:04:13,551 --> 02:04:15,009 The only thing worth mentioning 1269 02:04:15,176 --> 02:04:17,383 from my first years as a collector 1270 02:04:17,551 --> 02:04:21,300 was the story of an unusually sober-minded, 1271 02:04:21,468 --> 02:04:24,258 and for that reason vulnerable, man. 1272 02:04:24,426 --> 02:04:27,300 The dirt I threatened to go public with 1273 02:04:27,468 --> 02:04:30,967 was normally within my core competence: sex. 1274 02:04:31,885 --> 02:04:36,467 But for once, here was a man I was unable to read sexually, 1275 02:04:36,634 --> 02:04:39,258 so I became persistent. 1276 02:04:39,426 --> 02:04:41,258 Tie him to the chair. 1277 02:04:42,926 --> 02:04:44,592 Don't hurt him. 1278 02:04:47,926 --> 02:04:50,175 I can't find a stain on you, 1279 02:04:51,051 --> 02:04:54,009 but my experience tells me that no man is spotless. 1280 02:04:55,217 --> 02:04:59,216 Luckily, you're equipped with a very reliable truth detector. 1281 02:05:09,801 --> 02:05:12,675 I'm going to tell you a few stories. 1282 02:05:12,843 --> 02:05:15,216 All you have to do is listen. 1283 02:05:17,259 --> 02:05:20,383 You're in a bar watching a couple... 1284 02:05:20,551 --> 02:05:23,091 I now meticulously went through the catalogue 1285 02:05:23,259 --> 02:05:26,467 of sexual deviations in fictional form. 1286 02:05:26,634 --> 02:05:29,550 Stories about sado-masochism, 1287 02:05:29,718 --> 02:05:33,842 fetishism, homosexuality, you name it. 1288 02:05:34,010 --> 02:05:35,717 But he didn't react. 1289 02:05:35,885 --> 02:05:38,341 And I'd almost given up when I said... 1290 02:05:38,509 --> 02:05:43,133 On your way home, you walk through the park. 1291 02:05:47,885 --> 02:05:49,592 And something makes you stop. 1292 02:05:50,718 --> 02:05:52,550 You hear something. 1293 02:06:06,760 --> 02:06:08,467 Yes, that's it. 1294 02:06:08,634 --> 02:06:12,341 You can hear the children in the playground. 1295 02:06:13,468 --> 02:06:17,925 You sit on a bench nearby and watch them play. 1296 02:06:18,092 --> 02:06:21,258 There's a little boy in shorts. 1297 02:06:22,634 --> 02:06:24,842 He's playing in the sandpit. 1298 02:06:26,843 --> 02:06:31,717 He looks at you with his blue eyes. 1299 02:06:33,259 --> 02:06:34,967 He smiles at you. 1300 02:06:35,134 --> 02:06:37,341 I think he comes to you. 1301 02:06:37,509 --> 02:06:42,633 He sits on your lap and looks up at your face. 1302 02:06:43,301 --> 02:06:47,550 He says he'd like to come home with you. 1303 02:06:51,718 --> 02:06:52,967 At home, 1304 02:06:53,134 --> 02:06:56,425 you can't fight the idea of being naked together. 1305 02:06:57,426 --> 02:06:59,884 He crawls all over you. 1306 02:07:00,050 --> 02:07:01,675 You get an erection. 1307 02:07:01,843 --> 02:07:03,925 Won't you please stop? 1308 02:07:04,092 --> 02:07:06,842 He lies on his stomach. 1309 02:07:07,634 --> 02:07:10,467 You pull down his pants. 1310 02:07:10,634 --> 02:07:12,258 I'll pay! 1311 02:07:44,634 --> 02:07:46,884 You did what? 1312 02:07:47,050 --> 02:07:48,800 I gave him a blowjob. 1313 02:07:48,967 --> 02:07:52,633 - Why? That pig! - I took pity on him. 1314 02:07:52,801 --> 02:07:54,133 Pity? 1315 02:07:54,301 --> 02:07:57,800 Yes. I had just destroyed his life. 1316 02:07:57,967 --> 02:08:02,133 Nobody knew his secret, most probably not even himself. 1317 02:08:03,342 --> 02:08:05,924 He sat there with the shame. 1318 02:08:06,092 --> 02:08:09,341 I suppose I sucked him off as a kind of apology. 1319 02:08:09,509 --> 02:08:10,550 That's unbelievable. 1320 02:08:11,843 --> 02:08:14,717 No, listen to me. This is a man who'd succeeded 1321 02:08:14,885 --> 02:08:16,842 in repressing his own desire, 1322 02:08:17,009 --> 02:08:22,133 who had never before given into it, right up until I forced it out. 1323 02:08:22,301 --> 02:08:24,800 He had lived a life full of denial 1324 02:08:24,967 --> 02:08:27,383 and had never hurt a soul. 1325 02:08:27,551 --> 02:08:30,383 I think that's laudable. 1326 02:08:30,551 --> 02:08:31,592 No matter how much I try, 1327 02:08:31,760 --> 02:08:34,341 I can't find anything laudable in pedophilia. 1328 02:08:34,509 --> 02:08:37,383 That's because you think about the perhaps five percent 1329 02:08:37,551 --> 02:08:39,966 who actually hurt children. 1330 02:08:40,134 --> 02:08:44,883 The remaining 95 percent never live out their fantasies. 1331 02:08:45,050 --> 02:08:47,467 Think about their suffering. 1332 02:08:47,634 --> 02:08:52,550 Sexuality is the strongest force in human beings. 1333 02:08:52,718 --> 02:08:57,550 To be born with a forbidden sexuality must be agonizing. 1334 02:08:57,718 --> 02:09:01,133 The pedophile who manages to get through life 1335 02:09:01,301 --> 02:09:03,383 with the shame of his desire 1336 02:09:03,551 --> 02:09:07,341 while never acting on it, deserves a bloody medal. 1337 02:09:14,426 --> 02:09:18,049 The writer Thomas Mann said somewhere 1338 02:09:18,217 --> 02:09:20,300 that a temptation resisted 1339 02:09:20,468 --> 02:09:24,759 is not a sin but a test of virtue. 1340 02:09:28,509 --> 02:09:32,133 Wasn't there something about that writer and boys? 1341 02:09:32,301 --> 02:09:34,883 Yeah, so they say. 1342 02:09:35,050 --> 02:09:38,216 I suppose he dealt with it by writing them out. 1343 02:09:38,384 --> 02:09:41,133 And he got a medal, a Nobel Prize. 1344 02:09:45,634 --> 02:09:48,759 But there was another reason for my sympathy, 1345 02:09:48,925 --> 02:09:51,258 which you find so mysterious. 1346 02:09:53,134 --> 02:09:57,133 I saw a man who was carrying the same cross as myself. 1347 02:09:59,760 --> 02:10:01,841 Loneliness. 1348 02:10:05,092 --> 02:10:07,841 We were both sexual outcasts. 1349 02:10:16,342 --> 02:10:18,341 In any case, some years passed, 1350 02:10:18,509 --> 02:10:21,467 during which my business grew, 1351 02:10:21,634 --> 02:10:26,216 enabling me to step up my anonymous deposits to Marcel. 1352 02:10:27,134 --> 02:10:30,675 Your business is doing great. 1353 02:10:30,842 --> 02:10:34,633 You complete all the jobs I give you to perfection. 1354 02:10:34,800 --> 02:10:39,467 And I hear only words of praise from your other clients, but... 1355 02:10:39,634 --> 02:10:42,550 - But what? - We aren't getting any younger. 1356 02:10:42,718 --> 02:10:46,758 No, that's for sure. 1357 02:10:46,925 --> 02:10:48,341 I think you're getting to that age 1358 02:10:48,509 --> 02:10:50,508 where you have to start thinking about a successor. 1359 02:10:50,676 --> 02:10:54,383 Oh, I don't need a fucking successor. 1360 02:10:54,551 --> 02:10:56,216 Listen. 1361 02:10:56,384 --> 02:10:59,758 A person should take their crime seriously. 1362 02:10:59,925 --> 02:11:03,049 You need someone to be your right hand, 1363 02:11:03,217 --> 02:11:07,049 someone to help you. A crown princess. 1364 02:11:09,342 --> 02:11:12,592 The normal process is to find out 1365 02:11:12,759 --> 02:11:16,216 what colleagues are in prison, or are drug addicts, 1366 02:11:16,384 --> 02:11:21,049 and thereby unable to fulfill their roles as parents. 1367 02:11:21,217 --> 02:11:25,550 Then, you find out where their kids play football, 1368 02:11:25,717 --> 02:11:28,049 and you get involved. 1369 02:11:28,217 --> 02:11:29,924 You cheer them on for a couple of years, 1370 02:11:30,092 --> 02:11:33,550 no matter how bad they are. Actually, the worse, the better. 1371 02:11:33,717 --> 02:11:37,675 That way, gradually, you take on the role of the parent 1372 02:11:37,842 --> 02:11:41,592 until, in the end, you have a loyal helper 1373 02:11:41,759 --> 02:11:45,049 that will walk through fire for you. 1374 02:11:45,217 --> 02:11:47,258 Even do time for you. 1375 02:11:51,009 --> 02:11:55,133 It sounds like a kind of an entrapment you're suggesting. 1376 02:11:55,301 --> 02:11:58,758 - An unsavory entrapment. - Call it what you want, 1377 02:11:58,925 --> 02:12:02,883 but if you believe at all in the effects of good parenting, 1378 02:12:03,050 --> 02:12:05,966 that kid will have much greater opportunities with you 1379 02:12:06,134 --> 02:12:08,550 as a mentor than without. 1380 02:12:08,717 --> 02:12:11,091 And since I like you, 1381 02:12:11,259 --> 02:12:15,091 I've been looking around for a suitable subject. 1382 02:12:15,259 --> 02:12:20,550 She's 15 years old from a family of hardened criminals, 1383 02:12:20,717 --> 02:12:23,049 and she's been through a lot. 1384 02:12:23,217 --> 02:12:26,300 Last couple of years she's been institutionalized. 1385 02:12:26,468 --> 02:12:29,008 Her father's in prison and her mother died of an overdose. 1386 02:12:29,176 --> 02:12:30,883 She's a smart girl. 1387 02:12:31,050 --> 02:12:32,966 And although she doesn't play football, 1388 02:12:33,134 --> 02:12:35,924 she does play basketball very badly. 1389 02:12:37,176 --> 02:12:42,550 She's chosen a team sport because she's lonely. 1390 02:12:42,717 --> 02:12:45,716 I saved the best part for last. 1391 02:12:45,884 --> 02:12:48,841 Her right ear is slightly deformed, 1392 02:12:49,009 --> 02:12:52,716 which she is very ashamed of, 1393 02:12:52,884 --> 02:12:55,883 and of course, this serves to isolate her even more. 1394 02:12:56,050 --> 02:13:00,383 It makes her an easy target for even the slightest bit 1395 02:13:00,551 --> 02:13:05,300 of attention or sign of empathy from you. 1396 02:13:09,259 --> 02:13:12,841 Despite my protests, the clever L somehow talked me 1397 02:13:13,009 --> 02:13:14,632 into actually having a look at P. 1398 02:13:17,426 --> 02:13:20,799 The longer I watched the poor girl with the deformed ear, 1399 02:13:20,967 --> 02:13:24,175 the more repulsive I found the whole plan. 1400 02:13:51,092 --> 02:13:53,091 But as if L had foreseen this, 1401 02:13:53,259 --> 02:13:58,924 the meeting with P filled me with pity and emotion. 1402 02:13:59,092 --> 02:14:00,799 And without wanting to, 1403 02:14:00,967 --> 02:14:04,216 I found myself, weekend after weekend, 1404 02:14:04,384 --> 02:14:08,091 at her games supporting the poor player. 1405 02:14:23,134 --> 02:14:26,674 - Thanks for cheering me on. - You're welcome. 1406 02:14:26,842 --> 02:14:29,091 You played really well today. 1407 02:14:31,509 --> 02:14:34,175 - No, I didn't. - You did. 1408 02:14:34,342 --> 02:14:37,383 You really improved yourself lately. 1409 02:14:48,884 --> 02:14:52,632 Sixteen years. Congratulations. 1410 02:14:52,800 --> 02:14:55,591 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 1411 02:15:18,342 --> 02:15:19,883 I was proud to introduce P 1412 02:15:20,050 --> 02:15:22,716 to my father's passion and his world. 1413 02:15:25,800 --> 02:15:27,591 It's actually... 1414 02:15:29,050 --> 02:15:33,008 the souls of the trees that we see in the winter. 1415 02:15:39,426 --> 02:15:42,049 I think they look like human souls. 1416 02:15:46,134 --> 02:15:48,008 Yeah, you're right. 1417 02:15:48,884 --> 02:15:51,632 They do look like human souls. 1418 02:15:51,842 --> 02:15:55,049 Twisted souls, regular souls, 1419 02:15:55,217 --> 02:15:57,300 crazy souls, 1420 02:15:57,467 --> 02:16:01,133 all depending on the kind of lives human beings lead. 1421 02:16:04,009 --> 02:16:08,425 Then that must be Miss Williamson from number 21. 1422 02:16:08,592 --> 02:16:11,091 That's not a very nice thing to say about Miss Williamson. 1423 02:16:11,259 --> 02:16:14,799 But she's always angry. She has a monster in her belly. 1424 02:16:14,967 --> 02:16:17,507 Well, she does have an ulcer in her belly 1425 02:16:17,675 --> 02:16:19,383 that I've been treating for the last 15 years. 1426 02:16:21,925 --> 02:16:24,341 And sure enough, one of the following days 1427 02:16:24,508 --> 02:16:26,758 my dad dragged me into the woods again. 1428 02:16:26,925 --> 02:16:30,716 I found my tree. My soul tree. 1429 02:16:33,050 --> 02:16:38,799 And no, it's not that one, okay, 'cause then I would be dead. 1430 02:16:40,717 --> 02:16:42,924 This is my tree. 1431 02:16:46,301 --> 02:16:50,424 - It's not an ash tree. - No, it's an oak tree. 1432 02:16:53,633 --> 02:16:55,507 It has two trunks. 1433 02:16:55,675 --> 02:16:58,883 Yeah, isn't it great? 1434 02:16:59,050 --> 02:17:04,258 It shows itself to both sides, the lake and the forest. 1435 02:17:14,259 --> 02:17:18,549 But, Dad, how does a tree get two trunks? 1436 02:17:20,176 --> 02:17:24,133 The most common reason is that the top broke 1437 02:17:24,301 --> 02:17:26,175 when it was very young. 1438 02:17:26,342 --> 02:17:30,175 That means that you've been broken once. 1439 02:17:30,342 --> 02:17:32,382 Have you, Dad? 1440 02:17:38,592 --> 02:17:41,799 It seems that it can be rather revealing... 1441 02:17:43,259 --> 02:17:45,549 to find your soul tree. 1442 02:17:49,550 --> 02:17:55,175 My father found his soul tree, but I've never found mine. 1443 02:17:55,717 --> 02:18:00,883 "You will know it when you see it," is what he said. 1444 02:18:07,467 --> 02:18:13,300 Kitchen and dining room. And in here... 1445 02:18:15,134 --> 02:18:17,466 When P reached the age of maturity 1446 02:18:17,633 --> 02:18:19,924 and I became her personal adviser, 1447 02:18:20,092 --> 02:18:22,591 I asked her to move in with me. 1448 02:18:31,009 --> 02:18:33,758 Let me see you with your hair up. 1449 02:18:33,925 --> 02:18:36,424 You're so pretty. 1450 02:18:48,467 --> 02:18:52,175 All this time all my sexual activity had stopped. 1451 02:18:52,341 --> 02:18:56,883 My groin was one big sore from my abuse that wouldn't heal, 1452 02:18:57,050 --> 02:18:59,883 and made even masturbation impossible. 1453 02:19:04,134 --> 02:19:07,424 I experienced definite abstinence symptoms... 1454 02:19:07,592 --> 02:19:09,549 fever and cramps. 1455 02:19:34,508 --> 02:19:36,257 Joe, what's going on? 1456 02:19:38,467 --> 02:19:41,257 - Careful. - We need to clear this up. 1457 02:19:50,134 --> 02:19:53,091 I just get this sometimes. 1458 02:19:56,425 --> 02:19:58,924 It's okay. It's okay. 1459 02:20:03,009 --> 02:20:05,507 Do you want to go back to bed? 1460 02:20:07,508 --> 02:20:09,716 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 1461 02:20:25,842 --> 02:20:27,716 I love you, Joe. 1462 02:20:27,884 --> 02:20:29,632 I love you, too. 1463 02:20:31,050 --> 02:20:33,382 I don't mean it in that way. 1464 02:20:36,425 --> 02:20:39,841 Come on, it's late. You should go back to bed. 1465 02:20:41,383 --> 02:20:42,424 Good night. 1466 02:20:45,300 --> 02:20:47,716 Perhaps she really loved you. 1467 02:20:51,800 --> 02:20:55,174 She was so very young. 1468 02:20:55,341 --> 02:20:59,632 Maybe she, too, discovered her cunt at the age of two. 1469 02:20:59,800 --> 02:21:01,924 Maybe earlier. 1470 02:21:02,092 --> 02:21:03,632 I couldn't accept it. 1471 02:21:03,800 --> 02:21:07,591 Perhaps because you really wanted it to be true. 1472 02:21:09,675 --> 02:21:11,340 Perhaps I hoped it. 1473 02:21:11,508 --> 02:21:14,841 It's very touching, all this about P. 1474 02:21:17,050 --> 02:21:20,632 Then you've probably misunderstood the whole thing. 1475 02:21:20,800 --> 02:21:24,299 Shall we get the story over and done with? 1476 02:21:52,425 --> 02:21:54,466 Don't. 1477 02:21:55,675 --> 02:21:57,758 I wanna see you. 1478 02:21:57,925 --> 02:21:58,924 - Don't. - Why? 1479 02:21:59,091 --> 02:22:00,549 - Please, don't. - Why not? 1480 02:22:00,717 --> 02:22:04,257 No. No, I have a wound. 1481 02:22:04,425 --> 02:22:06,424 - I have a wound. - It doesn't matter. 1482 02:22:06,592 --> 02:22:10,466 - No, you don't understand. - I have that thing with my ear. 1483 02:22:10,633 --> 02:22:13,299 I'm so ashamed. 1484 02:22:49,633 --> 02:22:51,716 Do you like me? 1485 02:22:55,300 --> 02:22:57,299 You're so beautiful. 1486 02:24:34,884 --> 02:24:37,632 There's one thing I don't understand. 1487 02:24:38,467 --> 02:24:41,174 Did she know what you did for a living? 1488 02:24:41,341 --> 02:24:46,507 P was very discreet and a girl of few words. 1489 02:24:48,008 --> 02:24:50,299 Oddly, although I worked strange hours, 1490 02:24:50,467 --> 02:24:52,340 she never asked about my work. 1491 02:24:54,091 --> 02:24:56,923 But one day she had a question. 1492 02:24:58,550 --> 02:25:00,174 Joe. 1493 02:25:05,216 --> 02:25:09,048 Why did you start coming to my basketball matches? 1494 02:25:11,133 --> 02:25:13,799 It wasn't a coincidence, was it? 1495 02:25:19,383 --> 02:25:22,340 No, it wasn't a coincidence. 1496 02:25:26,133 --> 02:25:28,799 I didn't tell you because I... 1497 02:25:28,966 --> 02:25:31,965 I thought you'd be upset... 1498 02:25:33,341 --> 02:25:36,215 and that you'd get angry at me. 1499 02:25:36,383 --> 02:25:38,882 I won't get angry. 1500 02:25:43,425 --> 02:25:45,549 What I do... 1501 02:25:47,091 --> 02:25:49,758 My job isn't a normal job. 1502 02:25:49,924 --> 02:25:52,048 It's not legal. 1503 02:25:52,216 --> 02:25:55,090 No one in my family does anything legal. 1504 02:26:00,759 --> 02:26:05,174 A man that's helped me in my business suggested that I watched you. 1505 02:26:08,091 --> 02:26:12,382 The plan was that I... I should look at you 1506 02:26:12,550 --> 02:26:16,840 to see whether one day I could use you in my work. 1507 02:26:17,008 --> 02:26:19,965 I should make friends with you 1508 02:26:20,133 --> 02:26:23,340 because I knew you didn't have a mother or a father. 1509 02:26:23,508 --> 02:26:25,340 What's wrong with that? 1510 02:26:25,508 --> 02:26:29,090 Don't you see how evil that plan was? 1511 02:26:29,258 --> 02:26:32,965 - I felt terrible. - You shouldn't have. 1512 02:26:33,133 --> 02:26:35,090 Why not? 1513 02:26:37,883 --> 02:26:40,299 Because if you hadn't... 1514 02:26:42,258 --> 02:26:44,507 we'd never have met. 1515 02:26:49,300 --> 02:26:53,507 I'd like to go with you to work next time. 1516 02:26:53,675 --> 02:26:55,090 No. 1517 02:27:04,133 --> 02:27:05,674 Will you think about it? 1518 02:27:05,841 --> 02:27:08,424 - No. - Yes. 1519 02:27:08,841 --> 02:27:11,758 She didn't take no for an answer. 1520 02:27:11,924 --> 02:27:14,174 No, of course not. 1521 02:27:14,341 --> 02:27:17,758 How do you keep a wave upon the sand? 1522 02:27:20,049 --> 02:27:25,549 And in the throes of love, I was weak and no match for her. 1523 02:27:28,633 --> 02:27:32,257 With the risk of being too clever for myself, 1524 02:27:32,425 --> 02:27:36,882 social inheritance is an irrefutable fact. 1525 02:27:38,258 --> 02:27:42,507 If anyone knew about the laws of the street, it must've been P. 1526 02:27:43,717 --> 02:27:47,424 You're more right than you know. 1527 02:28:07,467 --> 02:28:09,882 - Let's shoot the fucker. - No, no! 1528 02:28:10,049 --> 02:28:13,174 Stop! Stop! 1529 02:28:16,550 --> 02:28:18,923 We don't use firearms. 1530 02:28:20,091 --> 02:28:23,882 - I'd like to have the gun. - The others have weapons, too. 1531 02:28:25,341 --> 02:28:26,882 Well, I didn't know that, 1532 02:28:27,049 --> 02:28:28,965 but in any case, you're not to have one. 1533 02:28:30,091 --> 02:28:31,757 But guns aren't dangerous. 1534 02:28:31,924 --> 02:28:34,340 It depends on how you use them. 1535 02:28:34,508 --> 02:28:35,965 Yes, exactly. 1536 02:28:36,133 --> 02:28:37,632 I wasn't going to shoot him. 1537 02:28:38,675 --> 02:28:40,840 We wouldn't have gotten any money out of him that way. 1538 02:28:41,008 --> 02:28:42,882 Can I have the gun? 1539 02:28:47,508 --> 02:28:49,215 Thank you. 1540 02:29:08,758 --> 02:29:10,798 You're evil. 1541 02:29:14,799 --> 02:29:18,882 And now I'm afraid one of those coincidences 1542 02:29:19,049 --> 02:29:24,215 you have such a hard time with occurred with a very special person. 1543 02:29:25,467 --> 02:29:28,132 It was P's job to take us to the debtors, 1544 02:29:28,300 --> 02:29:30,382 so until I saw the name on the door, 1545 02:29:30,550 --> 02:29:32,923 I had no idea whose house we were at. 1546 02:29:35,300 --> 02:29:39,757 This is Acer siccharium. 1547 02:29:39,924 --> 02:29:42,340 - Saccharinum. - Saccharinum, yeah, that. 1548 02:29:42,508 --> 02:29:43,673 I said that. 1549 02:29:52,799 --> 02:29:54,631 Are you sure this is the right place? 1550 02:29:54,799 --> 02:29:55,549 Yeah. 1551 02:30:02,632 --> 02:30:08,299 I was thinking maybe it's time for you to do this one on your own. 1552 02:30:09,216 --> 02:30:10,507 Yeah? 1553 02:30:12,425 --> 02:30:15,424 - Thank you, Joe. - I don't want anything destroyed, 1554 02:30:16,383 --> 02:30:18,673 and I don't want anybody hurt. 1555 02:30:18,841 --> 02:30:24,090 Okay? You just show yourself and offer him a reasonable payment plan. 1556 02:30:24,258 --> 02:30:28,882 If you say so, of course that's how I'll do it. 1557 02:30:44,133 --> 02:30:46,715 Whether the feeling when I saw Jerome again was love, 1558 02:30:46,883 --> 02:30:48,507 I couldn't say. 1559 02:30:51,467 --> 02:30:54,048 But it was a feeling... 1560 02:30:54,216 --> 02:30:56,923 and far stronger than I liked. 1561 02:31:08,133 --> 02:31:12,048 I was actually walking home through the alley here. 1562 02:31:12,216 --> 02:31:14,507 Your two neighborhoods are totally different, 1563 02:31:14,674 --> 02:31:18,048 but still so close together that the shortest route 1564 02:31:18,216 --> 02:31:22,215 from Jerome's house towards the center was through the alley. 1565 02:31:29,175 --> 02:31:31,174 Hello! 1566 02:31:31,341 --> 02:31:35,215 - How did it go? - Brilliant. 1567 02:31:35,383 --> 02:31:38,506 Yeah, really well. 1568 02:31:38,674 --> 02:31:41,257 I made a reasonable payment plan like you told me to. 1569 02:31:41,425 --> 02:31:46,299 - How did he look? - Scared. 1570 02:31:46,467 --> 02:31:48,840 How old did he look? 1571 02:31:49,008 --> 02:31:52,340 I don't know. Ancient? 1572 02:32:12,175 --> 02:32:15,923 Jerome was to pay off his debt in six payments. 1573 02:32:16,091 --> 02:32:18,840 Every time P went to Jerome to collect, 1574 02:32:19,008 --> 02:32:23,757 I'd pace around restlessly until she was back home again. 1575 02:32:26,049 --> 02:32:29,340 I even had to find my mother's sad old solitaire cards 1576 02:32:29,507 --> 02:32:32,548 in order to make the hours pass. 1577 02:32:39,966 --> 02:32:41,840 Each night I was less reassured 1578 02:32:42,008 --> 02:32:45,048 by her coming home than the night before. 1579 02:32:45,216 --> 02:32:48,465 The question of whether jealousy is the fear of sharing 1580 02:32:48,632 --> 02:32:51,923 or the fear of losing was of little interest to me. 1581 02:32:52,091 --> 02:32:55,215 But yes, it was a fact that this unworthy feeling 1582 02:32:55,383 --> 02:33:00,090 I had managed to suppress for so long was creeping up on me. 1583 02:33:02,924 --> 02:33:05,673 The evening she was to collect the final payment, 1584 02:33:05,841 --> 02:33:07,673 she didn't kiss me. 1585 02:33:07,841 --> 02:33:10,174 I took it to be forgetfulness, 1586 02:33:10,341 --> 02:33:14,257 but the hours passed, and she didn't return. 1587 02:33:21,341 --> 02:33:26,548 Every time I saw car lights, I thought it was P being driven home. 1588 02:34:25,091 --> 02:34:27,174 So the next morning I took a trip 1589 02:34:27,340 --> 02:34:30,506 to the round hills just outside of town 1590 02:34:30,674 --> 02:34:34,048 that I visited with my school class when I was 12, 1591 02:34:34,216 --> 02:34:37,673 to say a symbolic goodbye. 1592 02:34:41,300 --> 02:34:44,007 I had decided to flee. 1593 02:34:44,175 --> 02:34:48,673 I couldn't stay in this town with her and him. 1594 02:34:48,841 --> 02:34:53,132 I had cowardly made a plan to escape and head south. 1595 02:34:53,300 --> 02:34:54,631 Like from some ice age 1596 02:34:54,799 --> 02:34:57,965 I didn't have the guts to turn around and face. 1597 02:34:59,133 --> 02:35:03,339 But the goodbye was sad and strangely unfulfilling. 1598 02:35:03,507 --> 02:35:07,465 And something called me on to seek further up the mountain. 1599 02:36:31,008 --> 02:36:33,590 I understand dictators who commit murder. 1600 02:36:36,549 --> 02:36:39,423 What was Hitler, when it all boils down, 1601 02:36:39,591 --> 02:36:43,590 other than a man to whom society gave free reins? 1602 02:36:46,133 --> 02:36:49,423 Well, that was just what we were missing. 1603 02:36:49,591 --> 02:36:53,423 You understand racists, you have a soft spot for pedophiles, 1604 02:36:53,591 --> 02:36:56,506 and, of course, now at the finishing line, 1605 02:36:56,674 --> 02:36:58,423 you have to sympathize 1606 02:36:58,591 --> 02:37:01,214 with the greatest mass murderers of history. 1607 02:37:01,382 --> 02:37:03,631 What I mean is... 1608 02:37:05,299 --> 02:37:07,840 It's said to be difficult to take someone's life. 1609 02:37:08,008 --> 02:37:11,882 I would've said that it's more difficult not to 1610 02:37:12,049 --> 02:37:15,840 when, as a dictator or as me, 1611 02:37:16,008 --> 02:37:18,381 you've nothing to lose. 1612 02:37:20,716 --> 02:37:21,965 For a human being, 1613 02:37:22,133 --> 02:37:25,339 killing is the most natural thing in the world. 1614 02:37:25,507 --> 02:37:27,757 We're created for it. 1615 02:37:30,215 --> 02:37:31,882 Wonderful. 1616 02:38:22,591 --> 02:38:24,131 No, get off! 1617 02:38:34,340 --> 02:38:36,506 Fireman's grip. 1618 02:42:22,507 --> 02:42:27,047 Fill all my holes, please. 1619 02:42:51,716 --> 02:42:54,465 I still don't know why the gun didn't work. 1620 02:42:54,632 --> 02:42:59,131 I did check to make sure that there were bullets in the magazine. 1621 02:42:59,299 --> 02:43:01,964 It simply malfunctioned. 1622 02:43:02,132 --> 02:43:04,715 Just like Bond's Beretta. 1623 02:43:04,882 --> 02:43:07,964 I think I know enough to say that even if you had rounds 1624 02:43:08,132 --> 02:43:10,131 in the magazine of the Walther PPK, 1625 02:43:10,299 --> 02:43:13,798 if you'd taken off the safety, 1626 02:43:13,965 --> 02:43:16,715 you cannot shoot until you've racked the gun. 1627 02:43:17,674 --> 02:43:20,047 You pull and release 1628 02:43:20,215 --> 02:43:22,465 the sliding mechanism. 1629 02:43:22,632 --> 02:43:24,673 And P hadn't done it because as she said, 1630 02:43:24,840 --> 02:43:27,465 she had no intention of shooting the man. 1631 02:43:29,632 --> 02:43:32,631 I don't know about Bond, but I assume it has to be apparent 1632 02:43:32,798 --> 02:43:34,298 from his books and his films 1633 02:43:34,466 --> 02:43:38,757 that you have to rack an automatic pistol. 1634 02:43:40,048 --> 02:43:41,757 Of course, you're right. 1635 02:43:42,758 --> 02:43:46,423 I've seen it in films a thousand times. 1636 02:43:51,340 --> 02:43:52,506 It's morning. 1637 02:43:55,132 --> 02:43:58,757 - The snow is gone. - So the sun must be up? 1638 02:43:59,965 --> 02:44:01,881 Yes, there is sun. 1639 02:44:03,215 --> 02:44:05,173 How can you see it? 1640 02:44:06,215 --> 02:44:10,797 This alley's located so that you never get direct sunlight here, 1641 02:44:10,965 --> 02:44:15,465 but I can see a small reflection on the building on the other side. 1642 02:44:22,215 --> 02:44:26,006 I've never managed to figure out where it comes from. 1643 02:44:26,798 --> 02:44:31,715 It must be some interplay between windows and towers 1644 02:44:31,882 --> 02:44:35,006 and high buildings. 1645 02:44:37,632 --> 02:44:42,756 It's not much, but it's the sun you get here at my place. 1646 02:44:46,882 --> 02:44:48,631 It's beautiful. 1647 02:44:58,798 --> 02:45:00,006 In the beginning, 1648 02:45:00,174 --> 02:45:02,006 you said that your only sin 1649 02:45:02,174 --> 02:45:05,339 was that you asked more of the sunset. 1650 02:45:06,923 --> 02:45:10,881 Meaning, I suppose, that you wanted more from life than was good for you. 1651 02:45:13,591 --> 02:45:17,298 You were a human being demanding your right, 1652 02:45:17,466 --> 02:45:19,006 and more than that, 1653 02:45:19,174 --> 02:45:22,548 you were a woman demanding her right. 1654 02:45:25,840 --> 02:45:28,548 Does that pardon everything? 1655 02:45:29,923 --> 02:45:34,006 Do you think if two men were to walk down a train looking for women, 1656 02:45:34,757 --> 02:45:37,922 do you think anybody would have raised an eyebrow, 1657 02:45:38,132 --> 02:45:40,964 or if a man had led the life you had? 1658 02:45:42,632 --> 02:45:47,214 And the story about Mrs. H. would've been extremely banal 1659 02:45:47,382 --> 02:45:48,714 if you'd been a man. 1660 02:45:49,923 --> 02:45:52,465 And your conquest would have been a woman. 1661 02:45:53,466 --> 02:45:58,089 When a man leaves his children because of desire, 1662 02:45:58,757 --> 02:46:01,548 we accept it with a shrug, but you as a woman, 1663 02:46:02,007 --> 02:46:04,465 you had to take on a guilt, 1664 02:46:04,798 --> 02:46:07,214 a burden of guilt that could never be alleviated. 1665 02:46:11,215 --> 02:46:14,672 Your abortion was legal, but more than anything else, 1666 02:46:14,840 --> 02:46:18,839 it was a punishment you inflicted upon yourself. 1667 02:46:19,965 --> 02:46:23,214 And all in all, all the blame and guilt 1668 02:46:23,382 --> 02:46:25,922 that piled up over the years became too much for you, 1669 02:46:26,090 --> 02:46:28,089 and you reacted aggressively, 1670 02:46:28,257 --> 02:46:31,256 almost like a man, I have to say, and you fought back. 1671 02:46:32,549 --> 02:46:33,922 You fought back against the gender 1672 02:46:34,090 --> 02:46:38,214 that had been oppressing and mutilating and killing you 1673 02:46:38,382 --> 02:46:42,881 and billions of women in the name of religion or ethics, 1674 02:46:43,048 --> 02:46:46,298 or God knows what. 1675 02:46:49,340 --> 02:46:52,256 But I wanted to kill a human being. 1676 02:46:55,673 --> 02:46:57,672 But you didn't. 1677 02:46:59,631 --> 02:47:02,047 Because of a chance event. 1678 02:47:02,215 --> 02:47:04,256 You call it a chance event, 1679 02:47:05,757 --> 02:47:08,548 I call it subconscious resistance. 1680 02:47:08,715 --> 02:47:10,964 On the surface you wanted to kill, 1681 02:47:11,798 --> 02:47:14,214 but deep down, you celebrated human worth 1682 02:47:15,257 --> 02:47:16,964 in a veil of forgetfulness 1683 02:47:17,132 --> 02:47:21,630 draped itself over your knowledge of how to rack a gun. 1684 02:47:24,007 --> 02:47:26,298 Although all this sounds frighteningly close 1685 02:47:26,466 --> 02:47:29,423 to the clichés of our times... 1686 02:47:29,590 --> 02:47:34,547 and I'm predisposed to knock holes in your arguments... 1687 02:47:36,215 --> 02:47:38,381 I'm too tired. 1688 02:47:38,548 --> 02:47:39,839 Well, that's good. 1689 02:47:43,424 --> 02:47:45,465 Why don't you lay down? 1690 02:47:47,757 --> 02:47:49,547 Yes. 1691 02:48:00,882 --> 02:48:03,547 Let me just say that telling my story 1692 02:48:04,590 --> 02:48:07,589 as you insisted, or permitted, 1693 02:48:09,466 --> 02:48:12,089 has put me at ease. 1694 02:48:13,548 --> 02:48:19,339 At this moment, my addiction is very clear to me. 1695 02:48:21,715 --> 02:48:23,630 And I've come to a decision. 1696 02:48:26,174 --> 02:48:32,881 Even though only one in a million, as my dubious therapist said, 1697 02:48:34,132 --> 02:48:38,339 succeed in mentally, 1698 02:48:38,506 --> 02:48:40,714 bodily, 1699 02:48:40,882 --> 02:48:43,089 and in her heart 1700 02:48:43,257 --> 02:48:48,423 ridding herself of her sexuality... 1701 02:48:48,590 --> 02:48:51,131 this is now my goal. 1702 02:48:51,882 --> 02:48:54,839 But is that a life worth living? 1703 02:48:57,590 --> 02:49:00,589 It's the only way I can live it. 1704 02:49:04,424 --> 02:49:08,214 I will stand up against all odds... 1705 02:49:12,840 --> 02:49:16,256 just like a deformed tree on a hill. 1706 02:49:24,340 --> 02:49:28,839 I will muster all of my stubbornness... 1707 02:49:32,340 --> 02:49:34,505 my strength... 1708 02:49:36,673 --> 02:49:39,422 my masculine aggression. 1709 02:49:41,715 --> 02:49:45,298 But most of all I want to say thanks 1710 02:49:45,465 --> 02:49:50,089 to my new and maybe first friend. 1711 02:49:50,257 --> 02:49:53,131 Thank you, Seligman... 1712 02:49:54,798 --> 02:49:58,173 who perhaps is happy when all is said and done. 1713 02:50:05,257 --> 02:50:07,839 I'm happy at any rate 1714 02:50:08,007 --> 02:50:10,089 that the shot didn't go off 1715 02:50:10,257 --> 02:50:13,006 and made me a murderer. 1716 02:50:18,631 --> 02:50:21,464 If I may, I'd like to sleep now. 1717 02:50:25,506 --> 02:50:28,131 I'll make sure you won't be disturbed. 1718 02:50:31,132 --> 02:50:34,339 And when you wake up, maybe we could 1719 02:50:34,506 --> 02:50:37,589 discuss your future if you'd like. 1720 02:50:46,423 --> 02:50:49,839 In your new life, 1721 02:50:50,007 --> 02:50:52,714 would you consider seeking out your son? 1722 02:50:55,548 --> 02:50:57,547 It's possible. 1723 02:51:01,882 --> 02:51:03,964 Good night, Joe. 1724 02:51:05,339 --> 02:51:07,214 Good night, Seligman. 1725 02:52:47,339 --> 02:52:49,047 No! 1726 02:52:51,381 --> 02:52:54,131 But you, you fucked thousands of men.